Okay Technically it's only after midnight on the east coast BUT thanks to the genius of me leaving this PC on eastern standard time(to commemorate where my head resides, yes I'm an old softie what can I say) it is after midnight on this blog. After not blogging for a good 2 or 3 months (even though a couple of the blogs I completed this month may appear to change that view slightly) I damn near blogged every day this month. When checking my blogger post spot earlier under the published list I notice that there were 23 out of a possible 25 slots filled up with submissions from the month of October. And that's just wow, under normal circumstances I only remember to blog once every few days or weeks. Hell I know I say I ramble on and have a head full of thoughts but my problem is usually getting those thoughts out.
Have I posted any earth shattering life altering information um no, I've run my mouth given my opinion POSSIBLY showed people a glimpse into my rather erratic world chucked the deuces and kept it moving, I mean even with all of the blogs I have posted this month(and while it had 23 for the month of October I know that I also published some blogs from other months I just forget to change the dates for their publishing) I still haven't said everything that was on my mind nor have I cleared every clutter thought out. In my own way though, I've made progress and with nary a curse word uttered(okay maybe on twitter a few times because I just had to get them out) but even my twitter has seen less profanity than usual. I have also noticed a large uptick in traffic here on my blog and I welcome all new visitors granted some folks were looking for other items and just happened to trip over my blog but I hope you enjoyed your stay anyway.
Only thing I gotta work on I guess is finding a reason for some of yall to respond(granted those who had responded previously and I just hadn't looked are probably saying to me PBBBBBBT! yeah yeah I already apologized and I apologize some more I wasn't trying to be a bad host as a matter of fact to show my previous responders the deepness of my regret I will start posting pictures and recipes of some of the alcoholic beverages I am known to consume) what good is a blog without import. Input drives content, and if not content at least interaction I mean if I know what ACTUALLY interests you folks instead of just what tricked you into coming here(through no fault of my own, I'm an old ham so the titles just come out of me when I start typing and the rest is history or at least becomes history when I hit publish).
It was a kind of boring halloween for me we had one bowls worth of candy I gave it out and killed the light. Pretty much the basic costumes though one little chubby cheeked kid did come as Mario. My saturday fantastisucked for reasons I will not get into and my sunday was dull and boring(which actually I liked), as posted earlier I did some photoshop tutes, I watched a little anime to catch up to the current week, I'm current trying to watch some episodes of Smallville, hmm I may make a blog giving the CW a piece of my mind afterwards. I didn't mind the one comercial every few minutes to pay for the cost of hosting the video but come on the whole point of watching it on line is to shave off a few minutes from what watching on TV would do. Again that MAY come later,
Oh to all the folks who completed the 31 days 31 blogs challenge I congratulate you, one might think me posting so much content this month was in preparation or as catch up but it wasn't it was completely a mistake. That first blog I posted on the 15 I expected to be like the previous one I posted. Me coming in with the intent to blog and then shuffling off allowing the floors to collect dust. I have other blogs collecting dust I don't know if I am ready to be a content machine like I had been previously talking my fingers off with different subjects for different areas just to be. My life has been interesting as of late, really interesting some good some bad some just well some. For the bit of the journey I have shared I thank all who have watched for what is to come I hope we all can hold on for the ride.
Showing posts with label life's lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life's lessons. Show all posts
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, December 7, 2009
Countdown
It's a rather momentous occasion actually. My 10th wedding anniversary, yes I know I have been separated from my wife for the last going on 3 years doesn't change my marital status. I'm still married just seperated, I know that as far as most men are concerned that belief probably has me in the minority, my response is and? I am who I am and always have been that person, a bunch of oxymorons, wrapped in enigmas, packed in misshapen boxes, falling through round holes being pushed by triangular pegs.
10 years ago on the 11th of December, 7 days before my mothers day of birth and 13 before my own I asked the middle child of a carolinian mother if she would be my wife for better or for worse. Crazily she said I do, I mean have you read some of my blogs and seen how twistedly my mind works(little red squiggles we have had this talk before begone) she did not understand what she was signing up for. When it became too much she walked out the door, thing is she didn't send any papers back. As such my obligations did not change, I am still a husband and try to direct myself as such. Oh yes I may flirt and tease, I will send you pictures of almost anything you wanna see(the rectum is off limits sorry nothing is going up there so why even show it) I will see pictures that are sent to me. I am still that friend and confidant if you need that I have been to who ever has asked it of me. Just who I am, hell even when she cursed my name I was still hers, as tends to be the pattern everybody wants a shoulder to cry on and never has time to lend one.
Oh I'll be honest I can be overly emotional, I may not show it as much as I did in my youth but I vent like crazy myself(thus why some of my blogs are so erratic and curse laden, just not of course here), I can be moody, as much as I talk I may not always know how to express myself in a time or manner that someone else may need or find acceptable. I can become distant, I can be impatient(for those with the incredulous looks no one knows me better then I and I'm not being humble I am being honest), stubborn past the point of lunacy. When she left I had to do a lot of soul searching and ask hard questions that though I had no problems facing, it doesn't make it any easier to have to face them. No matter how fearless you still feel pain, despair and embarrassment.
By the way I am being vague not deep(or at least not trying to be) I may type a lot but I still enjoy having a nice amount of privacy, since I don't need to be popular I also don't need to throw someone else under the bus to get you onto the pity me parade float. I mean to be honest I was obviously the inadequate one, people only go in search of what they are missing when they are not already getting it. Was I too proud(which for me is odd because while I may take pride in who I am and what I might be doing at the time rarely do I think I make a me first acknowledgment a deal breaker), was I not supportive enough, to I fail to listen, to act, did I come up with a lousy plan, did I come up with a great plan but gloat and make my partner feel uncomfortable with their place in it. Many a hard masturbatory night spent trying to relieve tension as well as figure out was I really that lousy a husband.
Don't ask me why this blog has taken this direction I guess I just had somethings I needed to release, I mean I have been married for 10 years wow. I mean to go from thinking hmmm maybe I will always be alone to actually having someone who wanted to put up with me, to them then deciding anything is better then being with him. it has been a sobering, joyful, painful, and educational 10 years, some questions still remain, the future is ever cloudy. But on friday I will have been married for 10 years and I will be spending that day with my wife, how good it feels to type that. We're still separated, things while better are still at times tense, but for now she is still tolerating me, and willing to see if she was really right in saying I do
10 years ago on the 11th of December, 7 days before my mothers day of birth and 13 before my own I asked the middle child of a carolinian mother if she would be my wife for better or for worse. Crazily she said I do, I mean have you read some of my blogs and seen how twistedly my mind works(little red squiggles we have had this talk before begone) she did not understand what she was signing up for. When it became too much she walked out the door, thing is she didn't send any papers back. As such my obligations did not change, I am still a husband and try to direct myself as such. Oh yes I may flirt and tease, I will send you pictures of almost anything you wanna see(the rectum is off limits sorry nothing is going up there so why even show it) I will see pictures that are sent to me. I am still that friend and confidant if you need that I have been to who ever has asked it of me. Just who I am, hell even when she cursed my name I was still hers, as tends to be the pattern everybody wants a shoulder to cry on and never has time to lend one.
Oh I'll be honest I can be overly emotional, I may not show it as much as I did in my youth but I vent like crazy myself(thus why some of my blogs are so erratic and curse laden, just not of course here), I can be moody, as much as I talk I may not always know how to express myself in a time or manner that someone else may need or find acceptable. I can become distant, I can be impatient(for those with the incredulous looks no one knows me better then I and I'm not being humble I am being honest), stubborn past the point of lunacy. When she left I had to do a lot of soul searching and ask hard questions that though I had no problems facing, it doesn't make it any easier to have to face them. No matter how fearless you still feel pain, despair and embarrassment.
By the way I am being vague not deep(or at least not trying to be) I may type a lot but I still enjoy having a nice amount of privacy, since I don't need to be popular I also don't need to throw someone else under the bus to get you onto the pity me parade float. I mean to be honest I was obviously the inadequate one, people only go in search of what they are missing when they are not already getting it. Was I too proud(which for me is odd because while I may take pride in who I am and what I might be doing at the time rarely do I think I make a me first acknowledgment a deal breaker), was I not supportive enough, to I fail to listen, to act, did I come up with a lousy plan, did I come up with a great plan but gloat and make my partner feel uncomfortable with their place in it. Many a hard masturbatory night spent trying to relieve tension as well as figure out was I really that lousy a husband.
Don't ask me why this blog has taken this direction I guess I just had somethings I needed to release, I mean I have been married for 10 years wow. I mean to go from thinking hmmm maybe I will always be alone to actually having someone who wanted to put up with me, to them then deciding anything is better then being with him. it has been a sobering, joyful, painful, and educational 10 years, some questions still remain, the future is ever cloudy. But on friday I will have been married for 10 years and I will be spending that day with my wife, how good it feels to type that. We're still separated, things while better are still at times tense, but for now she is still tolerating me, and willing to see if she was really right in saying I do
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