What is it about the mirror

As usual as I read blogs on the internet, twitter posts, online articles(I haven't picked up a magazine to read in quite some time), watch TV interviews, or even read newspaper articles I am noticing the continuation of an alarming trend. Black people really can't stand each other. Oh there will be plenty of those fake smooches, hey homey hugs, and fake caked up grins but the look in the eyes is soulless. And I am calling it a continuation not a new thing because the battle lines have always been there since the beginning of our time here in the Americas. I mean back in Africa like any other society yes there were tribal/sovereign wars. I say sovereign because at the times of the Greek and Roman city states you had people fighting. I mean Athens vs Sparta, were they not all Greeks, while no longer what we would consider tribal because of their advanced infrastructure and instruments really what is the difference between the people of Sparta and a tribe in South America, or Africa(or even France, Germany or England/Britannia at the time) honestly not much except technology.  So yes the tribe of Sparta did not like the tribe of Athenians and they fought for superiority, land yadda yadda. Oops going off on a tangent let me get back on topic.

I say here in the Americas because when we got here those tribal bonds were stripped from us, our initial languages, knowledge of who and where we originally came from, ancestry, everything. So if I'm originally a Bantu and your a Mandingo and we have so old cultural animosity we probably don't know about it. No the fights we have here were from perception, you were in the big house so you must have gotten better treatment then me in the fields. You know how to read and write, and how to count I just know how to trick master into thinking I have more in my basket then I actually do. This should be allies against each other trick while old as time was really used to perfection here in America. Rich land owners convincing poorer settlers to fight for their rights to own slaves because they were better then the slaves, even though if the slaves were being paid like those poor white settlers wanted to be paid there would be no need for slaves because the only benefit to owning a slave was FREE LABOR. By pitting the House Negroes vs the Field Negroes you had a black person who might be family to someone outside or else at first might have been trusted giving you valuable intel on the goings on outside because they see a black face and figure hmm he probably wants to escape like me. Only for the House negro to be under the misconception of the house belonging to both of you(yes a common delusion).

You move forward you have those who decided to be share croppers versus those who decided to become tradesmen. When they get their freedom some resort to all they have known(the fields) while others want nothing to do with their former oppression and go off to learn what it is they are allowed to in this world. Then you had the bougie versus the more down to earth. Those who only believed in the benefits of mental pursuits:being doctors, lawyers, professors while others saw the need and honor of being engineers, craftsman, architects. Neither side was wrong in their beliefs but as if the other side was trying to twist a dagger in their ribs they took it personally like ONLY their way of thinking was the right way. Fast forward again my favorite stupid arguments of Light skin vs dark skin, natural hair vs straight hair, short low cuts vs high afros or dreadlocks, corn rows or braids. Oh yeah weave/wig/lacefront vs regular relaxed or pressed hair vs natural short or bald hair and of course skinny/petite vs thick/fat.

Honestly what is really the point in these fights? I mean do you really feel that threatened by another person expressing their individuality that it makes you doubt or question your own? When did it become a requirement that to feel good about "me" that everybody had to be like me, everybody had to agree and hop on the bandwagon of my sensibilities. I read a blog recently where a woman decided that she wanted to go after big women, she herself was either petite or just skinny, and the kinda part that made me laugh was she said "the guys who date big/fat women have low self esteem" of course she had admitted before hand that the guys weren't looking in her direction. Black men like fat chicks and because they liked fat chicks not her THEY had low self esteem, yeah nope not how that works. If you are the one left out, it's your self esteem that is taking damage not theirs because I am sure if they are happy as the saying goes why am I even worried about you.

A few days before that I read a blog about an entertainer who, as seems to be the norm lately, decided he wanted to take some black women to task for being materialistic, not deciding to give him any before he became rich and famous, and not submitting to all his wishes yadda yadda before he had the dough. Now he did not ONLY go off on black women, but he did start it out that way and to make matters worse he also committed the death sentence sin of REPEATING the feelings of a relative who regaled him with the joys of dating a more submissive white woman. Now I have no problem with interracial dating if its based on love, but if you love the white woman why you bashing sistas, I mean did they clown you that badly. Sheesh if the only reason you are with me is because you can't have so and so to act like you want them to then bye. That's really how I feel I love black women, I love chocolate black women, I always have now do I find some caramel women attractive yes. But if you asked me who I am going to ask out first you will see a long line of chocolate with some caramel sprinkled in. Now if you ask me if someone is pretty yes I will say yeah so and so is cute, doesn't mean I would ask them out but I can appreciate their beauty. The majority of my conversation when I talk about what I like is not going to include them UNLESS YOU ASK ME A QUESTION SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THEM, and then once I'm done answering that questions it's back to what I like. The entertainer also mention how black men needed to step up and how black folks had screwed up priorities. But the author of the blog ignored those because she had an agenda. She wanted to bash a black male, who happened to be a rapper(I mean I don't like his rhymes either but as I said if I ain into your offerings I just don't deal with them I will only voice my displeasure when asked about you specifically), as well as go off on the exact same females that he was. But her complaint was because HE went off on the females. Exqueeze me? I mean how can you complain that a dude is going off on black women and then join the chorus of going off on black women that you yourself do not deem worthy?

Of course there are blogs on the state of black women on welfare, the constant stories about us black males and our wayward natures and our absenteeism during father hood yadda yadda yadda.  And most of these problems stem from some pretty simple things: I don't want to admit what I myself screwed up on, or that choices I make are not in my best interests. Lets be real here if you have a man, got that ring on it, and are really that stable in your relationship exactly why are you taking joy in rubbing it into the faces of females who have yet to reach where you are? I mean are you only happy if other people are miserable and if so does that mean that the person you are SUPPOSEDLY in love with really ain doing it for you? I mean I do get mad about things sometimes(mood swing are horrible when you are a Capricorn and rage comes so easily) but I get mad about things that effect me, I may feel for your situation but I gain no joy out of your misery, I mean if you committed some ultimate act of stupidity I may laugh at it, but I will feel empathy to your situation and move on. Past some swift venting my life and day is not improved by constantly harping on your deficiencies. But that's me I have somewhat a sunny disposition when it comes negatives(well I do now before whew was I a gloomy soul).

And the big versus skinny debate man, now maybe it's just the women I see but most big girls I see have rings on their finger not all but a larger portion then of their skinnier buddies. Now with all those stories of these highly educated, slim, "GOOD" women out there who are single and can't find a mate the fact that many of their BBW friends are getting not only dates but rings has to be a huge ego shot. Does that mean that BBW women are not educated nope, I know plenty of large women with degrees. Does that mean as was posited in the blog that those black men have low self esteem nope, they may just like bigger women, I mean I personally do. And while I myself ballooned up to like 300 and something, when I was a stocky 245 I loved me some thick or big girls I just did. I like thick thighs and big butts, you have to have a nice sized chest too but Mix-a-lot was my theme song. Me and BBD used to have problems because I always trusted a big butt and a smile, quit calling my baby "Poison" or else we gon fight. So what is it about not being my personal choice that makes you so special but me so wrong, oh wait I know what it is, because now there must be something wrong with you. I mean I have a friend mike back in the mid 90's we used to have a running joke, for a while chocolate brothers would be in especially if Wesley Snipes or Denzel Washington had a hot movie out, but for a while all the hot new singers coming out were light skin: Al B sure, Christoper Williams, and of course you had Prince. So a couple times a year yeah us chocolate brothers would be in, but you know radio gets air play all day. So light skin brothers would be cheesin hard because the ladies would just be loving them. So the running joke, oh I guess chocolate's in huh or hmm looks like they want yall undercooked bruhs(red bone, light skin whatever I wanted to call him).

No we were friends and as such messing with each other was part of the landscape. But I wasn't jealous of my dog because just like some ladies loved him, some also liked me I may not have always gotten the lady of my choice but hey maybe I was just more adult then others but does her opinion not matter, I mean must everyone cow tow to my little chocolate desires for life to work right? If so exactly what is wrong with me, I'm no psyche major, psychiatrist or psychologist but it doesn't take a degree to see when something is extremely wrong with a persons mindset. You are mad at someone else because you do not like the type of people who like you. Hell even more to the point maybe you don't like you, and because of this you want someone else not to like themselves. Call me Mr. Sensitive(anybody laughing and choking right now trust me, I will find you and the side you are more used to will give you exactly what you want) but when I listen to my friends of all shades of the female persuasion I notice one very important thing. Many of them have been convinced that somehow who they are isn't good enough. I mean yes if you look even half good, have a little booty on you and some cleavage the hounds will be on the hunt. But oddly enough if THAT guy, you know the one who just melts their entire essence with a single touch isn't looking their direction instead of saying oh well his loss they actually take it as a fault within themselves. And it appears to be a common theme with most, and I blame it on the rest of us society as a whole.

As a guy for the most part if you don't like me, I flip you off and keep on with my day. If you are gonna do something bring it, somebody will win somebody will lose but we will respect each others position at the end of the day. If you don't bring it back again until you feel it's settled granted that seems old school but it's better then the current alternative, one of us brings a gun because we want to "steal" someone else's respect not earn it. It takes a lot of courage to put ya hands up whether you know you will win the fight or not and give it all you have. If you don't like who I'm dating you can voice you dissent until you start getting disrespectful and then we have a problem. Again it's what I want, like and desire. I can't live for you or by your likes and dislikes we may not agree.Women on the other hand seem to be forced to have to live by some consensus. The lies they tell themselves and others to try and gain acceptance is sometimes comical, and I say lies because by some of the men these women date if they are looking for a good man they are blinder then Stevie Wonder. Now if they are looking for a cute man, tall man, built man, rich man yadda yadda hey they have 20/20 vision because they always seem to be able to find somebody who meets those characteristics. Which if you care makes you wonder are they just saying what they think people will accept? The answer is yes, you want who you want. Period, you really don't need to explain it, especially if you're grown.

And another thing women always claim that "you can't trust a woman", which if true means that all these "girl power" moments are just traps that they are falling into because in actuality their "so called" friend is just out to eliminate the competition. Which is sad, now this is not all women hell some are completely willing to be a genuine friend they hope you are happy, that you find the person of your dreams and have few major hardships(not none of course because hardships build character and strength). There are so many of the devious ones though, people who entire existence is only fueled by your misery. They bash you behind your back, use "constructive criticism" as a means to rip you to your face. There are way too many women like this, they care not for their sisters they care only for themselves and the pedestal they hope you will build for them because THEY are the alpha female, the important one the predominant one in the group. Rarely are they actually the alpha female because when push comes to shove once you get past their bluster they have nothing to offer, which is why they scream so loud, they hope that they can get a large enough crowd to make the fight to get to them so daunting that you never undertake it.

Now guys aren't innocent in the devious machinations but once we figure out what ya goal is, we know where and when to let you in. Male relationships are all about positioning are you me ball till we fall dog or just the one where if you can get something you desire out of it you've got my back but once your needs are fulfilled I'm on my own. Are you the type who is smiling in my face but is just waiting for me to turn my back so you can attempt to slit my throat? *Devilish grin* as men we learn all these types early and learn different ways to deal with those many layered relationships.

There is also this crazy "hate/hater" thing going around. Ladies and gentleman you do not have to like what I do, you really don't not liking what or how I do what I do is not hating. Spending the majority of your time talking down to me or ripping what I do is hating. I do not like the majority of the music played on the radio today. If asked about it I will voice my displeasure, but that's the only time I will mention the people who get the majority of spins on commercial radio. When I talk about music, again, I will focus on the type of music I like. That's not hate, do not be so thin skinned that you can not accept someone not thinking like you do there is nothing wrong with their being a dissenting or even differing opinion. If nothing else you should enjoy talking to that person because sometimes it allows you to see a new angle of your own ideals. People also need to understand that somebody can actually be hating on you while patting you on the back, those are the real haters. People who do not appreciate or accept what you do but because there are spoils that you are willing to share run to the front of the line and trip others to make sure they get their and possibly someone else's share. Their greatest joy is becoming you're most trusted compatriot because then they know they will be taken care of even while they help others to either restrain you or work against you.

I have this motto, silly to some but one of the truest things you can ever learn "You will either love me or hate me in between people will get you killed". I say this because if you love me, I know what you will do for me, you know what I will do for you and we understand what our relationship entails. It isn't about who gives the most but that if I have it I know you will get it and if I don't I will give what I can to make sure you can at least make it a little further until things improve. If you hate me hey I don't like you either, lets do what we gotta do if we have to work together fine lets get this over with and get back to where we need to be.

Those they ain sure folks though MAAAAAAYNE they are a trip. See when times are good they will be all up in ya face, they will be hanging around getting what they can get, glad that your resources not theirs are being spent. Now if times get hard, oh they may still hang around if it's the light hard if it's just a drizzle because you know if the sunshine pops right back out well "hey it's party time again, let's get it in". Let those clouds get really dark though, man they are gone you will have a hard time keepin ya eyes on them they are running away so fast. Which if you had falsely lead yourself to believe they had your back you are about to be sadly mistaken. I don't like sometimey people, most likely you will get in my way while I try to prepare for what is ahead, you want to talk alot you want attention but you have no clue what to do with it when you get it. You may be a great distraction if I can position you where you have no clue the position you are putting yourself in. But if I am required to clue you in on the plan I would prefer you were gone. Most likely the second you feel threatened you would give us up and hope that they leave you alone. Your only use is that as Sun Tzu's false spy, the agent who is given all the wrong information so that when captured he can lead your enemy into the trap because in all their heart they believe they are telling the truth. And sincerity is a great commodity when you are trying to fool an opponent.

I often tell my brothers that they need to play chess not checkers, or even poker. And all the best poker players will tell you:YOUR CARDS MEAN NOTHING. you cannot make a single dime with the cards in your hand. Simply put if you have a royal flush to start yes you will win but if everybody knows it they will fold and  the tops you might get is the pittance that is the blind. which is rarely a lot of money, and if it is it isn't to you because if you have that high a blind you obviously have enough money that it is pocket change to you. You have to play your opponents hand, you have to make them think their hand is either better or worse then it is so that you can control how they bet, how long they hang around and how much they will bet in the next hand. It's an interesting ballet to watch even on TV, you will see the subtle fakes and flourishes to get their opponents to second guess themselves, to say hmm naaah he wouldn't hang around if he didn't have crap would he? Would he? Never be the first to show your strength, it allows your opponent to plan better then you, never let your opponent know your weaknesses than better allows him to lead his attack, never allow your opponent a free breath, it gives him a chance to think.

Too many people(doesn't matter what color you are) are so worried about what someone else might have that they ignore that which they already own. The fail to appreciate the joys that some of them have attained that others are still working for. I laugh when I hear tales of what"ONLY BLACK PEOPLE DO" you know like the lies that only we focus on sports, when I look at see just as many white kids at football camps as I do black, if white kids did not focus on football how is it that the NFL is still filled with mostly white quarterbacks, and offensive lineman? Still plenty of white linebackers out there and tight ends. I don't notice a lot of high school chess tournaments on TV. How only black people think music is the way to greatness, yet I see all those old men with guitars and garage bands with their long hair and surfer attitudes.

Are there prejudices all around and stereotypes yes. The important thing though is to use your eyes and not someone else's see the world for what it is and decide for yourself what you path is. Some people may or may not like you, they may see you as a threat not because you in any way shape or form chose to harm them but because they cannot see how they can defeat you or achieve what you have with the same amount of effort. Respect what other people like, them not liking you is not a knock against you it just means they themselves have different preferences. Hell do you even like them? Learn to love yourself enough that someone else not appreciating the beauty that is you is not such a knock you your confidence that your entire world comes crumbling down.