My problem with the current black male stereotype

As this has already been covered yup I'm: black, male, straight, a booty enthusiast, married but separated(for now), opinionated, nice(or so I have been told), a gentleman(or so I hope I have shown), and somewhat of an geek/gamer. Has that been recovered? We all got it? So we ain gonna have to keep coming back to this in the post as I say what I got to say? Yall sure? Sure you Sure, aiight I'm saying check the top will be a valid remark then for the rest of the post, cool COOOOL.

My own personal being aside the main picture most people get of a black male is devious, unintelligent, misogynistic, unfaithful, neanderthal who is as apt to run to a white woman as he is to abuse his beautiful black sisters like it was second nature. Black men are flashy, dead beat dads, who don't want to earn an honest living and save the black man in the white house aren't really big on education. My problem is simple some of these things are true, not just true but for some of these I may be making huge understatements. Now yes I know I am an exception and I know many other exceptions, but no matter how many of us exceptions there are there are way more of the stereotype. And let's be real while I remember someone complaining that I used whites as an example first off this is American and I guaran damn tee you if I held up a picture of what someone thinks is an american I could get 7-8 out of 10 on it being the white face in the group. Second off to complain about me using another group is not DISPROVING what I am saying about that other group. I know the tactic of change the subject, I just don't fall for it. Now I know to be honest if I bring up Italians somebody could just make the honest and obvious observation that well technically they aren't Anglo Saxon and protestant, and I couldn't deny that valid point. Shoot they could disown the Irish too, because basically yeah as far as history is concerned both of those groups of people were only good for boosting caucasian overall numbers but they couldn't date your daughter. And while things change a little bit look at italian and irish stereotypes in movies, either drunks, gangsters or criminal types.

Now even if you tried that I could point to the french, english and germans (WOW really spell check the french can be small letters but those germans and english folks better get they caps, thats just sad really are we gonna do for the freedom fries thing too?) the french with how they did poor Jeanne De aarc, the english with henry and his wives(as well as salem but you know that would be more english descendants but I slightly digress) and the germans with their porn, what come on this is me I can't slip a joke in there(plus how could you NOT see that coming Germans have some of the wildest porn around, *cough cough* not that I have of course watched a lot of german porn that would be deviant behavior and if we know anything about me *rumble rumble* moving right along). No group is without deviant behavior and while you know I could use that as a defense I'm not I mean yes as I am milk chocolate not blue black I have somebody else running through these veins except the folks who could tell me who "massa robinson" was either died or I have yet to meet(I have a large family what can I say).

Back to the subject:in talking with many of the lovely females I have met in the cyber world I have found that many have in some way shape or form been molested in their lives. And as much as, just like when you hear about a stupid robbery you secretly hope {please don't be a black person} *bbm angel face*, I hope it wasn't a black person who perpetrated the crime yup it's either a black male or female. It kinda crushes a part of my heart because its like "damn how can you hurt someone who looks like you, how can you hurt family", and yes many of them have horror stories in their own past thus just continuing the cycle. And it burns me up because no matter what, exactly how do you take that pain away from someone? How do you tell them they should be comfortable when a face that looks similar to the one they see in the mirror or else similar to mine not only took their innocence from them, but may have made it a ritual of possession, did it to punish some weakness in themselves by showing this poor innocent child exactly who owned their world.

I mean yeah I understand the don't talk to strangers rule I do,. I was a kid once. But the only way say I can redeem the image of black men going forward is to what, why be the nice stranger you meet, be helpful, be kind, be chivalrous(even though chivalry is not only unappreciated but sometimes spit upon), be the anti stereotype. Yet the first thing I am going to hear when it comes to a conversation:ALL MEN ARE. Damn, really so why not when I was holding that door stop yourself and say, look I don't trust you please let the door go. Yes I'd be hurt because you know I did you no harm, but at least I could respect that up front you displayed your distrust of me. I'd wish you a good day, and safe travels and move on. But if you accepted the kind gesture, as well as some help and then STILL went in on all men, yo damn could you take the knife out quickly, it hurts. Because the thing is the ONLY way to reverse the negative male stereotype is to one person at a time show what a decent black man COULD be. Oh don't get me wrong I HOPE I'm a good man but I do not walking around beating my chest with that title. I think being a good man is a life long aspiration you have to keep working at it, you have to punch that clock even on days when you are sick, beat down, worn out and drug under. Because in my mind a good man would do that, even at his worst he would refuse to give in and continue to stand up for that which he believes in.

Because it is an ideal worth fighting for, I have my flaws, many flaws whew I'm sure if you ask a few folks the list would almost be as long as most of my blogs lined up word to word back to back single spaced. Flaws are not an excuse, I can get heated in discussions on the subject of the lousy treatment of black women by black men. Extremely heated mainly because I believe the woman devalue themselves by looking at how the guy treated them to base who they are on. Pffft some dudes are just out to use, they could care less if you were a 30 kt diamond or a piece of gravel all they wanted was the skins, possibly some ends, a place to rest they head then it's on to the next shawty rinse and repeat. It's abhorrent, I could sit here and DENY that men act like this but it's untrue, I could try the other method which is to claim well they only do this to the EASY girls, thats an even bigger lie.

Now while an unpopular sentiment there is one truth they do it because they are allowed to do it, call it vanity on the part of the women who continue to allow them to share their beds, or good game but these dudes are only out here doing what they do because they find women who at least for a short time will put up with it. If a man cheats more than once and you let him back in your door he will continue to cheat(same as a woman but I don't have a vagina so ain going into that too much further), hell if you were the mistress while he was in a previous relationship you just fully condoned cheating. It's okay if you wanna rent that good ding a ling(wow yup just slid that in)(oops damn and a penis pun man this is hard *doh*) you know the "hey baby you ain getting enough at home, or you just want something new every once in a while" relationship some women get into. Call it friends with benefits, cut buddies, whatever as long as you stay (you know what all you down low brothers I hate yall for stealing the term down low why ain yall just accept being openly bi BAAASTIDS) hush hush with it and don't try to take it to another level everybody will be okay. But the second you start catching some feelings for this dude start saying to yourself "mmmm see he doing her like that but me, nah I know how to keep my man at home".

Now let me make this clear I will not deny that SOME women have a better skill set than others when it comes to doing what they do. And  I don't mean current or former porn stars cause um I look at some of them and I go, meh nah I wouldn't even be enjoying that. I mean some porn stars just like regular, average every day women, don't go past that inch behind the tip either I believe @lethallippsxxx said it best "how you gonna talk about how good you give head when ya got all this hand motion" now no you don't have to be the deep throat diva up there but if you got a dude with double digits and you fitting both hands over it and you go to a guy in the singles and still are getting both hands over the shaft yeah you ain doing nothing. No offense yes the head needs love too but it's also about the Balls and Shaft(yes that was a PCU reference the movie is awesome and if you haven't see it #killyoself okay a little harsh don't kill yaself but go buy it at Walmart or best buy). So POSSIBLY you are doing it better than the last girl, don't mean he'll stay any more for you than he did for her. Sometimes it ain about sex its about the fact that ain no consequences for stepping out.

And ladies PLEASE do not pull the "he cheated so I will cheat" game, one you will feel guilty and two the one dude or two dudes you do as revenge will be used forever to excuse the 1 or 2 girls you catch him with out of the 10+ side chicks he has infinitum. If he was worried about your fidelity he would be making sure no man could EVER take his place, it wouldn't just be about the bed room, dude would make sure he was ya partner in the house work, ya partner in the finances, in the planning for your future. Next dude would have to put in so much work just to earn the right to touch ya mans dirty draws that he would probably just be like nah shawty bruh handlin his.

Cheaters rules are not the same as regular peoples rules. George Carling used to tell a joke about a guy driving his friend in a car(gonna screw it up sorry george)"guy and a friend are driving down the street and the light turns red, guy runs the red light. His friend is like um man that light was red, yes it's okay my brother runs red lights around here all the time. So they continue down the street and come to another red light, same exchange yeah it's okay my brother runs red lights around here all the time. so after about 3 more intersections they come to a green light and the guy slams on his breaks. His passenger after pulling his balls out of his mouth asks:why did you stop? My BROTHER MAY BE COMING" I say that to say, if somebody is breaking the rules while no they usually don't want you to also be allowed to get away with it. They also usually have a mindset of "if you ain cheating you ain trying", the problem they have with you isn't that you cheated, but that you were dumb enough to get caught.

Now this is Domestic violence month and as I have never been the type to make it a HABIT of hitting women, I will defend myself if no other outlet is left. My dear I may love you as a women and feel you need to be protected but if you decide that you have the right to be a threat to my life MY life trumps your overblown sense of your fighting skills. If your right good, if you ain hey like any other test you can pass it, you can squeak by on it or you can fail miserably. Now look I got the don't hit a woman speech, I got it many times, Dad was ADAMANT about not hitting women. In this day and age 1 dad ain always there, and 2 some folks mommas are just as #ratchet(yeah yeah I am using hash tags if your on twitter you can look them up if you wish) now as there were when they were your age, and just like you feel you should be that bad motor scooter(NAILED IT) and should show dudes who's boss and who ain gonna take no mess. Well just like you she loves her baby, and just like you she feels her baby shouldn't take no mess, so most likely just like you she told her baby "a chicken head steps up and thinks she a man, knock her on her tail and let her find some balls." so just because a guy SHOULDN'T hit you don't get it twisted in your head that some REAL MAMA who was kickin rocks on that block before you was even born ain decide her baby ain have to take it. Cause if you lose guess what we ain built the same, even the most BUILT female I'm talking ripped out the wazoo ain as big as the biggest man. So sometimes walk away and just say enough is enough if you really think you're too good for somebody roll off and show them.

Now that is a sad state right there, I personally don't think a man should hit a woman, in my younger days when I was bouncing if you did something and your lady hauled off and nailed you one, she got the free shot and you got the eyes of death. You was stupid, you got caught, let her go, move on with ya life and don't retaliate. Yeah you MIGHT wanna get her back, and maybe you could show her a thing or two, but to get to her in MY EYESIGHT you were gonna have to go through me. And while people who get to know me may swear I'm the sweetest guy, and wouldn't hurt a fly, lets just say there are some flies that would beg to differ with them. Being nice is a choice, a choice aimed and trying to make a positive change in the world, but to make a change you have to be strong, you have to be willing to withstand the test if that test is given. And you must ALWAYS be ready, folks ain gonna hit you when your ready for them to hit you, hell then it ain that they hit you its that you wanted to be hit. If you see somebody standing and waiting for you, and you walk into the situation unprepared and you get your head knocked off, well thats on you. They shouldn't have done it, but I'm sorry if you see danger in front of you find another path period I'm just saying some things are self explanatory shouldn't even have to spend a lot of time on them. I mean we do because folks are so big on themselves that they get caught out there often, but really it's your life and the only person responsible for maintaining it til death is you.

I mentioned being loud and flashy but that I will not separate us from the pack of the rest, dude look at the country we are no worse than any other group, a lot of us were brainwashed and have the whole credit, debt and asset model TWISTED. An asset is a possession yes, but if you have an illiquid possession(say a house or a car) you ain BALLIN' a liquid possession is say MONEY, maybe a stock yes it would take you a few days to get the money from the sale but a stock could be sold and QUICKLY converted into money, car and house are usually gonna take time and preparation. If you don't mind visiting the pawn shop Jewelry can be considered a liquid asset. But looking around I don't care what color you are or what social status you thought you belonged to peoples realities ain safe right now. So yeah maybe black folks need to learn about assets, but so do the rest of our fellow americans that class will be full and look like the melting pot we are supposed to be, with chairs all out in the hallway trying to make sure they don't miss a syllable.

Again I understand there are MANY examples of the black male stereotype yes some dudes are out there being exactly who you think they are. But as silly as it sounds, if you don't have hope of meeting a decent guy like me, one who will hold the door, help you with a bag(yes I may stare at your behind I'm male doesn't mean I'm going to beg you for your number, or expect sexual favors I can appreciate that you look good, did whatever you had to do to get where you are physically, and are happy or ok with it), or just do some other HUMAN stuff. As vain as it may sound please give the memory of an experience like that a little more weight. Remember the more people scared of the "deadly black monster" the more often it's okay for cops to fire shots at people who look like your fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. If your father didn't molest you why would you want to perpetrate an image of a monster that looks even remotely like him. So that when somebody says I feared for my life, all those in attendance can knowingly nod their heads because hey, even their woman say they are savage animals.

We need to do better, but the incentive to do better won't be there if "we're gonna be treated like animals anyway" as you know when people have a ready made excuse, they are definitely gonna use it

Update post(last published on 10/19/2010)

As I cannot find my book on CSS and other html, xml code I am gonna do this blog about changes to 1 blog that I am going to do as well as mention that I am going to do a blog about some of the non blogger blogs that I follow thus do not make it into my normal blog roll list as I figure out how to add another blog roll list. What can I say when I get bored I get creative and a little more dedicated to something I am doing and FOR NOW(remember I went a good 3 months without a post) this blog is it. The changes I'm going to make in the blog is to change tracy and ripps names into links to their twitter accounts. As well as will link one of the blog maintainers of the site I am about to speak abouts name to hers, and possibly her back up account because she is one of my twitter buds who on a good political day could be up in the twitgow. While I'm really not talking about anything earth shattering(though I do need to do a blog on my current financial picture or at least a loose overview based on positions I own not the actual amounts) churning out more in two days than I did in 3 months is an accomplishment.

So once again welcome to Primal's Ponderings stay around a while, pull up a chair, pick up a glass and please feel free to add to the commentary. I will try to find a way to be cleanly raunchy as that is also a part of my mental decor, I love a good dirty joke, anecdote or dalliance just gotta find a way to express it without sounding like a 8 year old, cheating or completely ruining the thought by watering down the language.

Okay and now my blog has grown up a little bit

Though it was done with a whole lot of grumbling and tooth gnashing I have added disqus commenting to my blog. I like disqus I see it used on a lot of blogs and it seems to keep the comments well ordered and the conversation flowing nicely. Plus the "reply" feature saves a lot of unnecessary "are you talking to me" incidents. And as I am paying more attention if you flag a comment I will get an e-mail I hope we can all play nice but honestly if you make me start restricting words I will. Be respectful of each other while trying to get your point across(yeah like I get that much traffic, this is just a IF somebody decides to come over here and there is a flame war my booty is covered line. But I will delete your detritus and you if you try to get ornery), I understand a little disagreement but this isn't grade school let's try to stick to the subject at hand(or at least two digressions, what MY BLOG I get UNLIMITED DIGRESSIONS MUAHAHAHAHAHA, okay sorry power trip I'm back now muhah, *ahem* fully back now) and while I will not complain about books being written this ain the senate, do not try and filibuster the subject matter, I will read your ENTIRE RESPONSE, delete it and then in a response to your deleted response tell you why. So please don't be douchey it's not necessary.

Oh and hey you wanna tweet me, "Robins 8th and Walnut" rule again, IE my name is my address it's primal(primadata to be exact) and on twitter its PRIMALDATA hell most places it's primaldata. Thus it can be a good old fashioned "where's primal" episode if you like MOST TIMES it's me as was mentioned in a previous blog I did notice one time when it was not. Speaking of me hmm it seems until I get an old X box 360 to transfer my original profiles over with to a new style xbox 360 I am no longer primaldata 2005 nor primaldata 2007. Blows, big time, I have MASHED (grrrr DAMN YOU NO CUSSING RULE) bones(grr you know what word I want to use something about ya mama and how ya got here lol) on 05 I think I was a little notorious. I ain playing there are games on that system if you saw me coming you knew to 1st duck and then scream for help "mercy will be given at your funeral", I am sure I opined somewhere about the death of my poor month after launch 360 it was a trooper. The red ring of death ain have crap on it, I think it woke up from like 5-10 of them yes it had some issues, yes there were some games I could not play. But man the ones I could we were off and running. SO the king is dead long live the king, if I can't get the original primal back I will make a new one, cry profusely and then go take it out on some unsuspecting victims I know black ops is coming out soon though I doubt I will have a new 360 by then but maybe by the time the new RB6 vegas is out or gears 3, that would be sweet.

I believe I have attached everything about myself to the disqus so now you should be able to find my loud mouthed tail anywhere I respond, and I will respond. If it's too long for you(hey I'm a dude this are about the only penis innuendos I'm gonna get away with on this blog) they don't read or answer it. It won't hurt my feelings, if you do respond expect me to respond back(a lot more swiftly than I have been, ahem already apologized for that), if you don't like my response rinse repeat, either respond back or don't.  And again just because I disagree with you does not mean in any way shape or form I can't get along with you, this world takes all types to make its rotations each day. If I admit that I myself am an acquired taste how can I expect you to be swiss miss, if your a double expresso kinda gal, or a red bull cola kinda guy hmm? Again the drinks ain important I'm just saying we are all different sometimes we will agree, sometimes we won't agree and I find you no less a decent human being if we have yet to reach that agreement point.

And now we have a better chance to monitor said trek to an agreement, welcome to the world of DISQUS and mild comment moderation, you post it I'll come back later to see it and we'll make it do what it do baby

Whoops, I goofed

It seems in my infinite wisdom I was being a bad host. I'm used to multiply what can I say and ANYBODY who has a multiply account will tell you when you get responses, they pop up on your main interface when you first sign in. So here I am looking at my dashboard seeing no alerts(which is of course because I have no comment moderation on who knew) and thinking okay basic boring blog nobody is out there reading. So I delve a little closer into my profile today to see why it is that my blog doesn't always show up to the people looking for me. And low and behold what do I see, why that people have been talking at me for a while now. Probably think I'm a great big doody head too because I never so much as gave them a hello(what part of no cursing, the A-team blog got a pass because well BA is BA and you can kiss it stuffy pencil pushing types).

Now that I understand how blogger does comments I promise to check for them more often in the future. Hell I have some pretty knowledgeable responders Sope(you know how you say that weird non word it's like you were just gonna say so but at a P at the end of it, just me oh well) I will be paying more attention to the comments tab in the future Mea Culpa, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it look ma 3 blogs in 2 days.  I appreciate all those who have come 3 (way more than I had imagined as I really hadn't talked about much of anything) and again feel free to drop me a line anytime hell you feel I'm waaay off on something I say thats why the comments are open you don't even have to sign in with your blogger account if you feel you need anonymity, use it.

Ta ta for now I think this might be close to the record for my SHORTEST BLOG EVER, woo hoo. Tweet ya later

Nice guys: a revisiting pt. 1

Waaaay back in January I wrote a blog This one now in that blog I did my little lament about why it sucks being a nice guy. And it still does, trust me it really does. Then a few weeks ago a friend @tracyreneejones wrote an article on the blog IoM&R (which is one of my favorites by the way, I love the various topics from political commentary to social issues in the various minority communities, it's run by the always passionate @rippdemup a fellow memphian and good online buddy) which struck a few cords for a multitude of reasons, it was about abusive black men and how they treat black women now as I am wont to do, I mentioned a few disagreements I had with some of the premises in the blog. And as usual I got some of what is a typical mistreated females response, one of which is untrue. I know exactly how it feels to be harassed when walking down a hallway getting unwanted attention from people you either barely know or really don't feel like interacting with.

Little thing about thinking ONLY you have had a hard life, you don't realize when you are pissing in someone else's face. Now this would be a great time for an anecdote about how and why I completely understand how the women feel sometimes, thing is I don't feel like sharing it. See part of the reason I am so patient, compassionate and comforting is because I understand, that leaves us a little problem though. If your entire stance towards me is that you should be as aggressive as possible because I won't see the stupidity of some people, that I will not understand the pain of being verbally accosted, physically assaulted, and preyed upon by groups of people you have done nothing to. Then when I try to explain to you a solution all you are going to do is treat me like something you stepped in. Which will bring out the less than nice side of me, again being nice is a choice, a hard life choice because if you look around at the world "nice guys" don't last that long. This isn't marvel or dc. There are no super heroes, when you come to the rescue people rarely remember that past you pulling their buns out the fire. So if you push Mr. nice, Mr. Compassionate, Mr. Professional one time too many the guy who has been pushed many times through out his life, spit on, and belittled wakes up.

People don't just target you for teasing because you are of the opposite sex. They don't just target you for aggressive interaction if they find you attractive. They target anyone they feel is weak or vulnerable. Now yes WOMEN for the most part have that stereotype stamped on them at birth, but if you are shorter, skinnier, fatter, taller, you have a slightly abnormal feature well away we go. Though we lie to ourselves (and our children) when we get older about how the world is, and what it takes to get along in this world, the truth that would set us free is pounded into our heads on a regular basis. Ladies and gentleman "Bullying" the new hot political topic of this cycle isn't new, women being treated as sexual objects, nor intelligent people being ridiculed, nor attractive people being thought of as air heads. Sexual orientation, non existent,  high or hyper sexual desires, quirks, eccentricities, abnormalities you name it the world has seen it before.

The issue is, because we like to pretend that it USED to be so great, we fail to fix the problems we already know are there. As I said it sucks being a nice guy because when you try to NICELY inform people of a better way to do something, you are going to get attacked. Then as you try and civilly maintain a discourse with them of course as they THINK they see weakness they pounce. And when they pounce just like anything else in nature if they were not correct in their assessment of the situation they leave themselves open, and survival of the fittest demands you attack this unprepared soul.

I like being a nice guy because I think it makes my mother proud, I think when my aunts and cousins see me they think wow thats a pretty good guy we are related to. Now no they don't know everything about me, they aren't privy to my love of large reared women, or pornography(or at least I hope my mom isn't that would be creepy), erotic literature, how deep the depths of my curiosity goes, or how cold I can be. So the "my mother/other matriarchal figure thinks I'm blank" defense is not to about be used. Now I personally think I am a guy they would be proud to meet in the streets some where. While not physically with me now, I would like to hope my wife thinks back to our many years together and says "while he has his faults, my husband tried to be the best man he could no matter how hard the situation". Would be a great time to mention how proud my dad is of me, but in truth we butt heads more often then we heap praises on each other. I think we have the stereotypical male relationship I love him, he loves me but you know what that dude right there pisses me off(I am speaking as both of us right now I'm sure I piss him off with the way I try to weigh all sides and approach a problem with different angles being discussed before hand. And I so LOOOOVE the way he just looks at a problem says what he thinks will work and walks away.) and he needs to remember who I am.

I would like to think that while when we were all together and still developing into the people we would become that those who went to high school with me saw a young man who wished to give more to the people around him than he wanted to destroy or take. My harsh tongue was developed under their unyielding tutelage, my thick skin tanned to perfection by their dislike of the weakness they saw in my heart because I wanted to be me and not just like them. And that me was someone who could be your friend even if it wasn't popular, who could work together with you even if socially we didn't get along, and could speak with you civilly even if just moments before harsh words had been exchanged if the current moment required cooperation and concentration. Thing is, for now that is not normal oh no! If I don't like you then every second I am around you I'm supposed to make it my SOLE FOCUS to make your life miserable and make people take sides. I'm supposed to be irresponsible with my actions, unthinking with my interaction and ignorant of my responsibilities to the group and situation I may be involved in. Hey I've got a rectum like anyone else and if it is feces or mud slinging time trust me I have nice sized hands we can get the party started(you would not believe how much mental yoga it took to create that statement without an expletive slipping out, and I've been drinkin how ya like me now).

I was the lone wolf when younger, the cub moved from his pack to be added into a new one, surrounded by those who's initiation rituals he had not been privy too, who's defining moments he had not be there for. Who's hierarchies he did not yet know, armed only with a "be nice to people" and "treat people how you want to be treated" mentality I walked into the lions den with no armor on. I mean we're all kids right? It's supposed to be fun and games and learning right? Why do I need armor, I'm gonna come in here and get to know everybody and we'll probably become friends or at least most of us will.

Except you don't get that same love of just walking in the door to warm faces when they have no clue who you are. They don't know your mom makes the bomb peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or that she makes those gooey chocolate chip cookies from scratch that you love and SOMETIMES will be willing to share(what I love chocolate chip cookies so eat me). That you had some nice toys you would love to share with them, well but you guys live sooo far away and I can't walk to your house(YET) and my parents get home so late from work in this commuter society. So for the longest my classmates were not my neighbors and as such I stayed the perennial outsider far longer than was normal. Oh I did make some friends, but I made far more tormentors kids can be cruel and I learned that early, my big hearted tail who's eyes would gush at any moment because I could feel someone else's pain(I still remember my SNAPPING turtle who I was crying because it bit my finger but bawled louder when my cousin shot the poor turtle for biting me) was not ready for those who just saw my friendliness as something to be exploited.

Okay that's a SEMI anecdote, wasn't planning on it but the sake' had other ideas. Anyway as I come forward in life I realize okay no people really DON'T treat people how they want to be treat, and they aren't really nice. But you know what I kind of like it, yes I earned plenty of scars, welts and bruises trying to be THAT guy, you know the one willing to swim against the current because well IT'S GOING SO FAST BECAUSE OF THE WATERFALL, or it's going so fast because nobody has stopped to look where we are going, it's they are going that way and well I guess we should be going that way. Well most of the time I didn't want to go that way, things people were scared to admit they liked, you know what you don't like me no damn way and I do like that. "Nah that ain cool to me, no I don't want to try, sure I can help you carry it, but nope no thanks I don't need it."

Another thing, maybe you don't have anything that I want or else don't have what the service I provided you with is worth meh let me go on because I really did get more out of it than you did. I did something nice and have the memory of it, BUT YOU have this lasting memory of that scrawny, stocky, tubby chocolate kid who helped you out for no reason at all. And it will probably be stuck in your head for a minute, or maybe you scream SUCKAAAAAAH the second you think I'm out of earshot(which is a lot farther than you think) and feel you got over, only to not have anybody to help you take it back when you get done and thus have that lasting feeling of damn I wish somebody else was as nice as that guy. I've got a LOUSY memory, but it gets better the further out from the incident we go(yup weird like that I know) but leaving a good impression means by the time I do remember it, most likely in your mind the grace with which I acted will be exaggerated and I'll seem even nicer than I really am.

There's still this thing though, I am the guy who took all those lumps to get here, which means I probably have a chip or two stuck to my shoulder pounded in over the years for not being exactly like the pride after leaving the pack. It also means that I have more than one pattern by which I can attack you OR the problem. And again, who respects a nice guy huh, yup nobody which means if I have made it this far I must not have a problem getting dirty when the need arises. Hell getting dirty I must not have a problem increasing the depth of the pit. Remember I'm the odd one out here, I'm the respectful one to start, I'm the one NOT going along with everyone else which also means I'm the first target. To stand out is to stand alone until you find others with similarities to you and the go along to get along or else not be the target folks are many, they strike quickly as not to have their loyalties doubted, and they strike hard because otherwise they may be seen as becoming weak and thus a target to be whipped back into shape by the herd they are a part of.

I plopped a part one on the back of this, I think I'm gonna stop here and come back on a different post to finish. editing time woohoo

It's just stuff

I'll admit it, I do like my stuff. I'm the oldest and since my little sister was like 3 the concept of me having something of my own was like foreign to me. From the first time she took my toy robot and said "mine" just because while she didn't know why I was playing with it or what distant world me and my mind were on I had made that robot look like the greatest toy on the planet. To me it was, I have a great imagination I may never be satisfied with the way it transfers from my minds eye, through my fingers to whatever medium I am putting it on but that is because my mental pictures are so vivid. Hell even my tongue can't keep up with me half the time and as you see these key strokes and the average length of my submissions I'm sure you think he's exaggerating:but I'm not.

I was piloting that robot off to help han solo and luke skywalker stop the super star destroyer from killing the ewoks. Or maybe I was outside helping scottie get those dilithium crystals stabilized. I never know, my mind races along so fast that if mentally I blink I'm in a whole new world. And it is probably because I'm the oldest and thus subject to sharing my material possessions with every one else that I am so narcissistic about my mental possessions. They have to be perfect because if I am sharing it with you I want you to understand how precious it is and how wonderful.

My mental possessions though are  not the reason I am writing this blog. I lost something today, hell it is mine in name only I had long since bequeathed it to the pot because well my room is not as large as it used to be and honestly my TV would not have fit in here. So while out at a job site returning somebody's computer my LCD tv was cracked. Now anybody who owns an LCD device knows you never know how bad the damage is until you turn it on. And yes it's bad you can't even see anything on the screen it's only one small corner thats cracked but it seems the WHERE is the most important factor in this because instead of being a spiderweb sitting in the middle of the picture we just got a huge web and running flashy color. Now I won't lie 20 years ago I would have been pissed. Pissed actually is an understatement what I paid for that TV when I bought it MAAAAAAN, Remember the lovely Madeline Kahn(I think thats how you spell it) from all those Mel Brooks movies and Clue, clue is the important one in this instance remember how she described the feeling when she found out her husband had been cheating on her. Yeah that and a conniption fit are just the tip of the ice berg of what I would be feeling. Because once again when big brother shared and turned his back for a minute: snap, crick, chink, smash, boom, ZZZZZT, crackle. Oh yes don't think it was just GI Joe's with the Kung Fu grip(okay technically I never owned a REAL GI Joe with said kung fu grip, I had them miniaturized knock offs fine they were the real thing but I wanted the full size one, just like I wanted the millenium falcon or the ORIGINAL Optimus Prime Big rig, granted I'd be doing life right now if I had gotten either of those out the box and I came home to find them broken) I'm a kid of the original analog to digital transition. You ever see pictures of those old apple 2's yep I first started playing on those with all the other grade schoolers. Had an Atari 2600 too, and the 7800(my god sister had the 5200 with the original BIG BRICK CATRIDGES) I have lived through the creation of EVERY gaming generation so far. I never owned ET but I played that in store demo so when I tell you thank god for land fills, trust me I'm not kidding. ET the video game is a level of suck NEVER to be experienced again.

Even The Last Airbender didn't ET the video game us, did he try yes. But as he got SOME things right I can't call him ET the movie maker(but MAN did he try) now that was 20 years ago, that would be about the christmas we rolled home to find our house had been robbed, Happy birthday to me(my birthday is christmas eve yes I share my birthday with the happiest day in every childs life, that day Santa comes to make their dreams come true). We learned quite a few lessons that year. And yes for a while I was the Troll under the bridge, if parents were not around touching my stuff got the evil eye and a swift pop on the hand. Especially if it was something that wasn't age appropriate for you anyway. I think it took for my little brother to start playing baseball for me to be more mellow about my stuff.

Huh why would a sibling playing a sport make you more open with your stuff. It was a Louisevill Slugger 36. I loved it, that bad boy was the first brand new bat I had ever bought for myself all the rest had been from flea markets or yard sales(and hey I will NEVER down flea market bats or yard sale gloves already broken in leather is hard to pass up). So anyway again my brothers would watch me and my friends play and they would see us having fun granted both are double digit years younger than me. But hey older brother and his friends are out there enjoying themselves can we play. Sure whatever go chase the balls when they fly way out.(nice part about my old neighborhood on elm street up the block and over the tracks was a baseball field we actually had two within child transportation level distance ie walking or a bike ride). Now both had basketball courts attached and other enjoyable amenities but the baseball field is the important part. I am a firm believe in playing baseball like you know how to play baseball. Go down to the wire, you can't hit my best pitch, you can't get that over the plate past me baseball.  And thats how I taught it to my brothers, you want me to pitch to you no lobs uh uh your gonna hit a real pitch. And call me a purist but I like WOOD hickory or ash if you please. So there we are J just started his little league older brother went all out, bought 4 brand new balls each weekend so that when we played on the field real leather was flying. So as we are getting ready I pitch to him to let him build up a little arm strength, and being a younger sibling you know what he goes for yup the 'Ville. Dude I love ya given time you MIGHT be taller than me(unfortunately life loves irony scratch might out of there and put in DEFINITELY) but thats is way to much bat for you. He he I can hear life to this day "you of all people are telling YOUR little brother HE CAN'T". I made him a deal he could get a few swings with the hickory and if he couldn't get it around to make CONTACT, he'd pick up the lighter aluminum to continue practicing. I can still see that brightening smile on his face, I was being a douche I knew he wasn't gonna make contact especially on that first day. And no he didn't but the determination he showed(especially as the bat did more swinging of him then he did of it that first time) kinda filled an older brother with pride. I probably should have only given him 1 at bat worth of swings but I let him go ahead and miss 9 pitches(not in a row I've never had that kinda control on my pitches). He got tired picked up the aluminum and made contact with a few.

Now being that he failed of course he would give up right(hey life, I will kick you in the nads, seriously it's been like 18 years or so quit laughing, punk grrr) Nope not my little brother, it took him like 2 or 3 weeks but he made contact. didn't go far but that Thunk! when leather hits wood got him hooked too. Unfortunately I didn't know how hooked he made contact a few times, then he actually started getting dribble hits then decent past the pitchers mound hits(what I told you it's baseball you are either gonna hit a pitch or sit down) I even had some of my friends pitching to him. One day (I worked so I never made his games) I get a phone call the coach would like you to stop letting your little brother bring your bat to the games. PAUSE first off little so and so when you ASK to borrow my bat, second off how the hell did you get so good at putting it back. Problem was this was a few weeks in and before the game where the coach relented LIKE I HAD and decide "Hell let the kid swing the bat, get embarrassed and learn his lesson". Yeah um Coach next time ask me, I would have told you not only can he swing that bat, but unless you got a kid on the other side with an arm like a 16+ year olds he don't stand a CRACK! See the kid I heard tried the slider. Or at least at his age a baby slider, problem is Old J Kirk he loves to throw sliders, and high fastballs (I shall have my revenge, but they are soo pretty). At the time Joel was probably 16 or 17 and J had made connections with a few of his sliders. So not only did he know what a slider looked like he also knew the outcome if he made contact. Even more if he shifted his weight behind the contact, and better still if he got more than just the tip of the bat on the ball.

See the nice thing about aluminum besides that TINK! is that the ball kinda bounces hard off the bat. and the bad thing about aluminum is that the ball bounces hard off the bat. You loose a lot of power making that tink, oh yes all that vibration that means the bat not the ball absorbed a lot of that force. So: young kid throws a slider, and a kid of similar age using a wooden bat and you know what that spells on a kiddie field right, no oh I forgot you pain in the butt sore loser parents changed the game so you wouldn't have to give a pep talk and actually PRACTICE with your kid and share some BONDING TIME. Okay fine THAT ladies and gentleman spells HOME RUN, yes I Mr. High fast ball chaser himself(I'll chase a middle one and an outside one too but as the saying goes "Starts High STAYS high") had told him you see a slider coming lean into it and watch it sail, And sale it did and Lil J was allowed to keep using that wooden bat(though with a noogied shoulder, next time ask BEFORE you borrow my bat) and keep getting those extra base hits. Hmm if I show them how to appreciate my stuff they would take considerably better care of it(that boy kept that bat in good shape while he used it, never had to wipe a lick of dirt off it he was so mad when I broke it, what I swing hard as hell too you know I've broken a few bats in my day). So I decided instead of hoarding MAYBE I should show them the value of taking care of it.

So thats what I started doing, oh it didn't always work out for the best but as they got older they got better. We are still all human beings though and accidents they do happen, so here we are we're all grown and my 5 year old LCD is busted, meh damn needed a new TV  anyway this one was showing its age, yes mildly pissed but the former brat(my baby brother) did call me first himself to let me know, gotta respect that. Off top. unforced. HE called me, second its a TV I can get a newer better one for a quarter of the price I paid for that one. Now he's sulking, which you know okay yeah he's gonna have to shell out some green backs, just not buy himself he has two brothers we ain gonna let the homey go out solo like that.  But again he was a man and spot up when he screwed up, and it's just a TV, hell it was a 5 year old LCD TV those things don't live as long as those old panel TV's did you should read the number of HOURS each of your colors is supposed to be good for, I think most tv's blues are supposed to run out in about 5-6 years worth of use.

So is this about my journey as a person, nope it's about a simple fact, it's just stuff. Something that has traveled a few addresses with me, I've enjoyed my time with and I will have no problem replacing with something newer, shinier and with more bells and whistles. Because a lot of things have and continue to change in this past 5 years, and baby VIVA LA DIFFERENCE

What is it about me lately

Every time and I do mean EVERY time for the last year and a half that I have said okay I am going to start blogging more, make an actual blog saying I am gonna blog more. Make a plan to blog more hell actually go out and do things to blog about. Do I get home, play a few browser games(look at my blogger dashboard), maybe go plop in front of the TV or Gaming system(come back look at my blogger dashboard), bring up a browser window to view porn(and while it is queing up look at my blogger dashboard), even just sit in my chair and veg(like I was doing for a good portion of the night with my sore throat) do I not just click the new post button and type SOMETHING. What did I do today, I went to east Bumble MS, got told a tall tale, or a short tale, a whopper or a minnow about what went wrong.

Or I stretched Line A to point C, around the bend and back again twisted on an end or two and viola bubkiss (is it bub kiss or bup kiss I always forget) nothing happens I always love that occurrence. And who knows who walks through the door. So I always have material, even as of  late I have a sore throat, a monster sore throat really it ate my normal sore throat for breakfast with it's scratchy toes, and I lean back cough up a little phlegm(even the spelling of the word is nasty looking) and sit up quickly nope not hitting that new post button. (okay I did it this time doesn't mean I'm gonna hit the publish post button), I mean I have been to the A and back since my last blog entry(which was in august), now yes no laptop means I am less likely to be able to type up random thoughts as I traipse through various bergs either in the passenger seat or just kicking back doing a long distance reload. I realize now that it caused me to be more prolific because I could pound away in bed(yup I had to let that innuendo laced reference go), sit at the console, just be anywhere not stuck in my cave of solace but no privacy and still be connected to the World Wide.

I mean I tweet more, mostly flirtation a few political comments the odd sarcastic whimsey here and there(really spell check Whimsical is in your list but whimsey is not FOR SHAME) mainly because it is easier to access twitter ala my smart phone then it is to blog, at the moment. I'm sure if I was HIGHLY motivated to do it I could bang out a rather short utterance here and there. But what about ANY post I have ever done here or on any other blog every Screamed SHORT UTTERANCE to you. Hmm I wonder if I'm compensating for a limited vocabulary or a lack of speaking outlets. Anyway okay YAY I did it chalk one up for the man with the randomosity plan. I might be back, might not be back(stolen from an LL cool jay song of course I'll be back nobody else blogs on this page but ME) so til then just like the old jingle "Our name is our address) Primal signing off