Sunday, March 5, 2017

The Trailers for Logan

Yesterday was an early day for the movies, as the previous post states Eikichi had a baby sitter for Saturday, Smooth was trying to fill EVERY second of the day with "structure" and I was just trying to see a movie dog. It was almost a complete disaster, Smooth was late and Eikichi was grouchy but we got the movie in the review for which is now due Tuesday(two days, even for a Comic Book movie). It was a relatively packed theater, the lack of an after credit scene may not generate the need for constant rewatches like Avengers or even Deadpool did. That ain what we here for right now though.

So here they are your 4 and a half(I'll explain at the end) trailers/coming attractions I often wonder if they are the same for everyone or if it's just random but it all begins with those fateful guitar licks
Saban's Power Rangers

I still think some of this is a slight jab at millennials, I think the original 5 power rangers were just kids who bumped into each other in the gym one day or at the popular hang out spot some were friends some weren't and they just happened to find the power coins. It wasn't detention, they weren't screw ups, nobody thought they were POSSIBLY druggies. They were actually pretty bright kids and the type you would trust as up and coming pillars of the community. Okay enough nostalgia: Trini, Zack, Billy, Jason, and Kimberly are five kids stumbling through high school they aren't friends, they probably aren't going anywhere in life, and nobody would count on them to take out the trash let alone save the world.

That is until they stumble into a dig site and Billy finds five weird looking glowing disks. They all escape the government pursuit that goes along with breaking into a zoned off federal site but hey everything will be normal in the morning right? Nope, now they are stronger, faster, and when they re explore the dig site they find an alien craft and have a wall talking to them and a cocky disapproving robot. From delinquents to the world's last hope, ain nobody got time for this. Now Zordon and Alpha 5 have to prepare them for an ultimate battle with Rita, a being who is pure evil and bent on destroying the world. Strap up folks, it's Morphing Time.

On the international space station life is pretty routine. You do science stuff, you gaze at the stars and you wait for things to happen in a floating series of interconnected tubes that basically is your whole world until you are switched out for the next crew. It just so happens that on this stint they are getting a probe back from Mars, everybody is excited I mean it's a discovery from another world who wouldn't be excited. And then is all goes to hell, the discovery was some little evil white life form hell bent on wiping out all other life, apparently whatever life there was on Mars this thing decided no longer needed to exist and now it is floating above the planet earth. This not what anybody signed up for, yes people call them heroic because even the journey to space is perilous but what do you do when the fate of the world is in your hands.

Not figuratively either, if this organism makes it to Earth it will wipe out all life on the planet. The problem is you can't escape, you are as trapped with this thing as it is with you. You can't beam down and set the station to self destruct, you can't hop in an escape pod and send the ship into the sun yes this is the future but we aren't that advanced yet. You are going to die, the question is can you save everyone else on the world below before that happens?

Man has made a mistake, the problem is we aren't trying to fix the mistake we are trying to blame others who had nothing to do with the mistake. You can hear one of the characters say "The irony is, we created you and NATURE has been punishing us ever since." the problem with that statement is that it isn't true, nature hasn't been punishing man. Man has been panicking and destroying himself and the world around him. So it has come down to a final confrontation, Cesar and his enhanced Apes versus the last vestige of human kind. If nothing else we are consistent if it looks like the end we will attempt to go out in a blaze of glory hoping to survive but if we don't at least we went out gloriously. Cesar has offered us peace, he has shown us mercy, the problem is the virtuous patience that we are taking advantage of is not part of any religion we have ever taught him. Yes we have guns, but they have learned to use them as well. Yes we have weapons, but so do they. We have machines which for now is a SLIGHT advantage but they have the numbers, on top of them having the numbers the virus that has wiped out MOST of man kind doesn't effect them.

That probably explains the anger, why us and not you. We are the current kings of the hill, you are just STUPID MONKEYS. Why does it look like we are about to be replaced by you, why has the world forsaken us, why is this about to become a plant of apes

I have decided that if you see Micheal Fassbender without his trademark stubble it must be an Aliens movie. This is the Sequel to Prometheus, which was the FIRST Aliens movie the secret they pretty much held onto the whole time, but now that we know here it is. The crew of the Covenant has come onto a strange new world, a world that apparently has similar vegetation to earth, they don't know HOW it got there, they don't know who planted it, but they are here to discover what they can. Unfortunately what they are really about to discover is death, they find a ship a strange looking ship that they find their way into(rule number one in an alien horror movie do NOT go onto the strange alien ship), and find strange looking giant leathery eggs. Which if you have EVER watched aliens before of course house FACE HUGGERS the alien impregnation devices that put Xenomorph Larvae into your throat which they explodes from your chest cavity or abdomen in it's most vulnerable form before it grows into the giant, armored, hulking double mouthed brute that will destroy your ENTIRE crew.

This eyeless(you can't say faceless because you know where it's acid spit drooling, fanged having mouth is) beast is the ULTIMATE hunter, it has one central drive propagate it's species and destroy all others. They really haven't rebooted the predator series yet(but they need to) so we can only hope that before the third movie comes out they recombine their universes and help us to find out why it is they hate each other. Like Xenomorphs hate Predators, and Predators apparently treat killing an alien as the ultimate achievement for Initiates. This looks to be a return to the original space horror theme of the Aliens movies, where you have a lot of running in fear, looking over your shoulder, and being terrified of the dark. I guess I need to watch Prometheus before this comes out so I could be caught up.

Anyway Covenant is when we got the sound of the balls bouncing off the walls, the lights dimming yadda yadda. We get the 20th century fox logo and the music kicks in kind of muted, a man in a hooded and skinny jeans is walking down the street. We hear an apparent struggle to which the man pulls down his hoodie and St. Elmos fire comes through clearly. It's Wade Wilson, no seriously it really is Wade Wilson in the hoodie and he exclaims "Not on my Watch Mfer" it is the TEASER for Deadpool 2 and yes Nate Summers is coming soon(look at the phone booth). I can pretty much repeat NONE of what was said in this teaser, Deadpool is rated R, he is making full use of his and Logan's R rating, and basically is breaking the fourth wall in his own trailer. He told Stan Lee to "Zip it," he called his costumer Laird, he even mentioned the stupidity of a phone booth still being around since we all have some sort of cell phone now. Deadpool 2, *fades out* coming not soon enough  and we still hear Deadpool talking, he makes fun of what Wolverine wears(and brings back his terrible Australian accent).

By the way do not read the Crawl, you are being trolled. I am not playing I refuse to read it, it's a crawl on a Deadpool trailer how does this not scream troll to intelligent people like who would fall for that like they were even trolling Superman, the Flash, and other heroes who just need some Random bit of slightly obscured real estate to get into costume(I would say Spider-man, but for whatever reason Petey Par wears the spandex under his clothes at all times). Plus Deadpool has some man crush on Spidey so I don't want to catch a katana or a randomly forgotten frag grenade or something.

I hope you guys enjoy all the trailers, let me know what films you are looking forward to. Did you go see Logan, or did you go to Get Out I heard that got Major love this weekend too.

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