Monday, May 28, 2018

The Lazy Blogger's 2018 trailer Master Post pt.1




Yup, you see the title I still do what I always do at a movie: I buy my hot dog and EITHER the accompanying cup(I got Chewie AND Han for solo. Deadpool and Avengers were sold out DOH) or else a blue and red mixed slush. I then silence my phones, make my posts to social media, and THEN I wait trailers to roll across the screen. I type the title of each into my phone and send it to myself so that IF I so decide to blog about the movie or the TRAILERS of said movie, then boop I don't have to rack my brain. I haven't done them in a while BUT I still know what trailers went with what movie and have the lists, which of course does provide me with an interesting Opportunity, this MASTER POST.



Yup I can go through put up the trailers attached to each movie, and THEN say if said trailer was repeated at all in any of the SUBSEQUENT movies I saw later in the year. I will figure out how long to make this and exactly how detailed. I MAY include a different trailer if a later one dropped or I might attached a different trailer later on in the description with the other movies the trailer played in. Now most LIKELY movie I saw the trailer in will come up later since I have been going to the movies all year long which means movies I have seen recently were probably preview in movies I saw earlier. Nothing wrong with that, hell may actually add to fun... So without further adieu...

Trailers for Black Panther IMAX



Now I saw this movie in theaters twice on back to back weeks a FEW of the trailers were the same a couple were swapped out. So this will be the first post that I will test how I want to go about these shenanigans and the first movie previewed was:



Tomb Raider



These movie probably had the SMALLEST shot to do ANYTHING. First this movie was coming out in the WAKE of Black panther, SECOND it was coming out a WEEK after A Wrinkle in Time, and of course A week before Pacific Rim 2, and 2 weeks before Ready Player one. Tomb Raider was a MILD foreboding of what was going to happen in the month of May with it's 3 major movie franchises. On TOP of that, Alicia Vikander is stepping into the shoes that Angelina Jolie so masterfully handled in the early 2000's. Now yes Ms. Vikander is ALMOST the spitting image of the NEW Lara Croft from the video games(as Jolie was in 00's for the older 8 bit Lara), but I don't think the NEW Tomb Raider game has as big a following. She is no longer the BUSTY, DUAL WIELDING FEMME FATALE. She is a Baby Fatale, wielding a climbing pick, and finding her way in the world. I won't lie I skipped this movie, I may catch it whenever it comes to cable but this wasn't a must see for me.



I am an Angelina Jolie fan, I grew up with her awesome sassy portrayals and I am a video game fan, it was a match made in heaven. I never played more than a DEMO of a Tomb Raider game, so Jolie was the draw NOT Lara. Still haven't played the NEW Tomb Raider(Rise of the Tomb Raider), which hilarious considering I have an Xbox WITH Gamepass and it is still free within and have a PS4 and I believe it has been given away FREE a few times. It's not like Lara hasn't had PREQUEL games before but as this is a reboot of both the GAME and the MOVIE franchises, this is the START. Similar to J.J. Abrahms first Star Trek movie, this is the gang from the very beginning with a FEW twists. I think in the Games Lara's dad is always dead, in the FIRST Tomb Raider movie you have have had a few scenes with Voight and Jolie(her dad in real life and he played Lara's dad in the movie) may have been for dramatic effect though. I'll find it on Cable, Amazon, Netflix or Hulu whenever it drops.



Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom



The Sequel to 2015's Jurassic World(which I still haven't watched) as best I can they have gotten off the island AGAIN, left the dinosaurs to themselves AGAIN but this time they wish to save them because the ISLAND they are on is about to erupt. In other words HUMANS ARE COMPLETE IDIOTS. They are worried about saving the creatures who RULED THE EARTH before we crawled up out the much. They are bigger, stronger, faster, and better equipped to hunt us into extinction.



But yeah GO BACK AND SAVE THE MONSTERS. The hell is wrong with folks. There are a few nice cameos, plenty of warnings that "This is stupid, crazy, and probably gonna wipe out humanity BUT HEY DO YOU BOO BOO." Newsflash, if you EVER hear someone say that to you, that is an ABORT MISSION. But yeah, you thought JAWS had you scared to go back in the water, wait til you get alot of THESE BEASTIES. I got Jurassic World BOTH times I went to see Black Panther as well as during Pacific Rim 2 AND Infinity War



Sony's  Venom



Now that PROBABLY ain the real title, but it is how we will all refer to it. THIS trailer is an abomination(No Marvel pun intended). If THIS was all they had, they should have scrapped it and waiting til they had MORE principle CGI done. I don't remember exactly when the GOOD Venom trailer game out such as it is, but this one the one attached to the title up there SUCKED. while the SYMBIOTE is in the trailer VENOM is not. Now we DID get a venom Trailer with Deadpool 2, which at least had a few favorite tag lines in it as well as showed the suit, which I hope gets much better the closer we get to release but HERE is VENOM. While the suit does look oily, it doesn't look ALIVE not yet, hopefully as October rolls around they get on that.



A few things, Spider-man is NOT in this movie, supposedly. Which sucks, Tom Hardy PHYSICALLY looks how I picture Eddie Brock to look, big, stocky, disheveled. There would actually be a contrast between HIM and Peter Parker, not so much an attitude contrast but an actual size, weight, and musculature different which the original Appearance in Spider-man 3 DID NOT HAVE. I get it, Sony has wanted to make a Venom Movie for a while, THIS was NOT THE WAY TO DO IT not that Sony is famous for listening to the fans. Right now Marvel has shown them up, Spider-man Homecoming was WELL RECEIVED And made money, more money than BOTH of the ASM movies. Which Sucked because I like Andrew Garfield but ASM2 was a train wreck too much, way to soon, and way too under developed.



Ant-man and The Wasp



The Sequel to 2015's Ant-man follows up the events of not only the first movie but the Aftermath of Civil War and either at the same time as or right AFTER Infinity War I won't spoil Infinity War (you can go ANYWHERE ELSE on the internet and get that. First two weeks are all you are promised if you ain trying to get plots and major story developments spoiled) but if it's after WHEW are there some Doozies they have to deal with. Scott Lang has agreed to House Arrest after the events of Infinity War so that he could be SOMEWHERE near his daughter instead of on the Run with Cap and Crew. Most LIKELY he has been told NOT to use the suit but danger is coming and Of COURSE Scott is a hero and HEROES get involved. This time though, he is getting a PARTNER in HOPE VAN DYNE Aka THE WASP. Even though Hank Pym really wasn't known for it I am happy there is a certain amount of Quippage in the relationship between Hank and Scott as well as Scott and Hope.



For whatever reason(subsequent trailers show it is HANK'S FAULT not Scott's) they are now on the run because some being who can PHASE THROUGH OBJECTS is after the Pym Particles and Pym tech (The Ant-man and Wasp suits). The trailers attached to Deadpool 2 and Solo show our bad guy, it's a woman in a weird looking white suit Villain with a hood and a mask that has multiple eyes on it(may be similar to the Splinter Cell goggles though *shrug*) as well as hear about the Goliath Project where a former partner of Hank's and Scott brag about how big they have grown.



Ant-man and the Wasp appears to be one of the more POPULAR trailers I got so far this year it was shown with Black Panther(Imax and Standard), Deadpool 2, And Solo: A Star Wars Story.



Solo: A Star Wars Story



The scruffy hair, the cocky walk, the leg holster, the easily angered co-pilot, and the ship of EVERYONE'S Dreams. THIS is where it all began. A lifelong friendship started, a famous rivalry kicked off, a record set, and THE LEGEND first put on "Spurs." How did the best smuggler in the galaxy get started. Is he a spoiled rich kid run off to make a name for himself, a bored nerf herder, or a troubled teen out to make good? The name Han Solo is a lot of things to a lot of people, and NOW we get to find out why. He is a Rogue's Rogue, the bad boy every girl secretly dreams of, and the man of action many wish they could be. His YT-1300 Correlian freighter basically a souped up hot rod that he loves more than life itself. Granted he didn't actually BUY the ship, he won it, in a card game a LEGENDARY card game for which we are about to get front row seats. Han, Lando, Chewie and the Millennium Falcon buckle up You Worship, this is gonna be a bumpy ride. Got this with BOTH viewings of Black panther And Avengers Infinity War



Trailers for Black Panther Standard



As mention earlier I went to see Black Panther TWICE Once in IMAX(Worth It) and once in a standard theater showing. Most of the trailers in the STANDARD showing of Black Panther were the same save one. Surprisingly They didn't show Venom with this viewing and instead gave us



I Feel Pretty



This Amy Schumer vehicle looks like a train wreck. From every trailer I have seen it is like Shallow Hal from the Girls point of view BUT the woman's body is STILL the problem. Like seriously, she is complaining about how SHALLOW the outside world is, goes to some type of spin class, falls over, her hair gets caught, she rips out some hair and in the PROCESS slams her head into the bike next to her. And when she wakes up she REALIZES she is pretty...



Stop, stop it's AMY FREAKING SCHUMER, she's a busty blonde oooh she's a size what 8 or 9 instead of a size 2? Boo freaking hoo, nobody said nor does she believe she ain pretty. Might she complain about Baby Fat, SURE but come on now. She is basically a bombshell blonde, and the fact that basically it is Shallow Hal all over again WITH MORE OBJECTIFICATION of the FEMALE FORM from a woman.  Way to go Hollywood, as ball-less as ever. IF this were going to be VISIONARY first it would have been Melissa McCarthy funny actress but she isn't known for her looks. You can believe MELISSA might have a hard time seeing her own beauty, hell she famously joked "Nobody leaked my nudes" after nude leak number was it two or three? When folks were hacking celebrity phones and posting them on the web for all to see. Amy Schumer in this role is like a movie where J-lo plays a character who gets BUTT INJECTIONS because she doesn't like her backside, you got BOOTY quit playing. And hey NEWSFLASH how about you go after the fact that BODY IMAGE isn't just a problem for women. Guys have it to, in Shallow Hal Jack Black(yes the guy from Tenacious D and Nacho Libre who is chubby) was overly demanding, shallow and superficial. If you weren't a 10 to his 5 he couldn't even talk to you. So having Melissa McCarthy stop looking for Daniel Craig, Jason Stathom, or even a Channing Tatum as a love interest and possibly chase a Jonah Hill, Micheal Sera, or even Jay Baruchel who are by no means heart throbs but if she could see through THEM being fat, skinny, or NERDY that, that would have been an interesting movie. But no, let's take a barely fat woman and make her FINALLY see her beauty



BORING.



Since I didn't do them REAL TIME, I am not going to repeat all of the trailers since this will be read all at once. If it is a Different trailer I will mention it below but I don't think I will attempt to write it up again. At least I didn't this section.













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1 comment:

  1. Sorry about that, I messed up the HTML but it is back up now. Enjoy. Hey It's been a while forgot how to do these bad boys

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