In an editing mood (5/26/11)

If you happen to see my networked blog stream pick up a lot today, or you go back to some of your favorite posts and notice that maybe they look a little cleaner, or spelling errors have been fixed(in the article or the comments) thats because I am going through and editing WAAAAY after the fact. I don't know if it's just me or everybody hates going back and trying to figure out what and how bad they screwed something up that felt so good in the moment but here I go anyway. As it's 6pm central I don't know if I will make it to the movies tonight I guess it depends on how long editing takes me, and if I feel like walking again.

I don't know how far I am going to go back, I don't know if I'm glutton for punishment enough to go back to the first post I ever made, then again it might be nice to see if I can spot the plethora of spelling mistakes I know I would have made, as well as the many run on paragraphs, bad prose, words I invented(yes I know I am quite belligerent about adding words to the English language), and Jason Voorheesed any time of continuity or flow. I don't mention this being the randomosity train for nothing, I do ramble, stumble, double back and go in completely a different direction a lot. It's what I get for not using outlines and just allowing myself to go along whatever path the idea takes me along, some may say thats a good way to at least get writing

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I still don't know how far I went back that day. I see a few more posts that I need to go back and edit later. Still cleaning up my drafts folder, don't know if I will release everything in there, don't know if I will stop adding to it(which is kind of hard since sometimes you have an idea and then you lose it). Supposedly the updated the blogger app so I may start using that again when I don't want to pull out the laptop(we shall see)

Lost in the dark

What do you do when you are tired of walking towards the light you have hoped was leading you to where you wanted to go?

When the lines on the map that were leading you towards what you hoped was a new beginning starts looking like a lot of chicken scratch from a drunken man with a nervous tick?

What do you do when those pools of water that you waded through like puddles, turn into puddles that you are to tired to step over because your feet are dragging?

How do you address the sun breaking through the clouds when all you feel is the wetness from the rain?

Am I just sleep deprived and tired? Have I allowed myself to work too many days in a row and just gotten lost in the shuffle working from whenever to whenever, over hill and dale, cities and towns running together in a poll of rainbow layers.

A quick look at 2011

I don't know what I can say about pacing yet since in all of 2009 I had 37 blogs, and for the most part to start 2010 I had like 5, but 25 isn't bad for the first 3 months. It means I've been posting, I've even gotten a few responses.

My lack of vacation may have slightly added to me not blogging, but I plan to spend my wifes birthday with her(its a surprise, my google analytics doesn't show me any GA hits so she doesn't read my blogs at the moment). Her birthday is March 30th. So on the 30th I will try to do a "Happy Birthday" blog, with pictures(and then summarily be killed) of my lovely wife.

I'm not as bad a draft monster(so far) this year as last, it looks like save a blog here and there the use of my phones, in combo with my puter has helped me be really productive blog wise(as I lazily lay back in my chair). Say phones and realize I haven't done my phone blog yet, yeesh I'm behind, and yet ahead. Hopefully by mid year im around 70 blog posts. I'm at 25(soon to be 27) now so if march sees even a post every 2 days clip that's still 32 blogs. Maybe more I forgot to look at the "super moon" last night(sucks to be me) this will be the 3rd one I've missed(I'm 36 so one happened after I was born, one after my 18th and now this one) oh well if the pattern holds that means I get 18 more years so yaaay.

That was a joke, anyway this was just a random shot about my productivity. Those who have stopped through welcome, those who have run away screaming "y'all come back now, ya hear". Nah I'm playing I'm not everybodies cup of tea, so if ya don't like it fair enough. I'll think no less of ya, okay now to post this and finalize my previous

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3 Warmish days in a row

Okay, there goes my hair. I mean I know for years I was "long hair don't care" before Weezy made it a catch phrase. But now since I doubt seriously that I will ever attempt to grow dreads again(my mothers father had the Picard look in his 50's to early 70's and my dads father had pretty thin hair when he was late 60's to early 70's). ¡sidenote¡ I know some people with dreadlocks have started removing dread from the name because "there is nothing scarey about my hair", I don't because the determination and dedication it takes to grow and maintain them, as well as the mindset it takes to even begin the lock journey requires more than a "whim".

I understand that a mind that focused and that willing to endure ostracism and ridicule before they reach the "promised land" of long and strong locks is a concern for some people. I remember my initial locking journey, I think my hair had neen locked for 2 months so I didnt have "chin length" dreads yet they were still at the shooting out in all directions phase. We went to the family reunion, and the first time my grandfather saw them he said "it looks like he got twigs on his head". Yeah it did, but that was my choice everybody else had either afro's or fades but me the "stubborn individualist" that I have always been had fallen in love with dreads and was determed to get them. The hardest part was the itching, unless you have the money to get them constantly refreshed it is best not to wash your hair for the first 3 weeks after getting dreads. But once that 3 week period is over wash them and reapply wax(I prefer the yellow beeswax to the black, personal preference thw black is just messy as hell) and enjoy your new hair style. People with dreads are becoming pretty creative now, I see folks with braided dreads, the classic pony tail, I used to pull the sides back and leave the back down.

I rarely let my hair grown for too long since my second shearing, this winter I grew it out to avoid some of the head colds I caught last year hats are nice but hair is better at keeping your head warm. So this is me, the less scruffy, just as grumpy in the morning, lazy blogger, going to work for probably another long saturday.

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Capricorn December 22-jan20

Long round about description of who I am and how I get sometimes. It's the beginning of the year As that link says I can be stable, a rock, Mr. Dependable until I get a bout of the lows and then poof, what happened to him. Simply put all that steadfastness, determination and strength of will comes at a high price. Sooner or later I have to sit back and realistically look at where I am, and no I'm not nice to myself when I do it. You can see a great guy, who does awesome things, for lots of people and is the guy you want to call if you need a hand. I see the guy who you ONLY call when you need a hand, ahem hello I like to have fun to. I don't mind reaching out to see whats up from time to time, but don't act like your fingers are broken it doesn't help with those dances with deep depression I tend to do from time to time. NO I do not need to seek serious help, am I still here than trust me anything I run up against at 36 is nothing compared to what it took to get me to 36.

Thing is unless it's a Mighty Mouse moment(I picked the more recent one not the original sue me) I can stay there until I find a reason to dig myself out. And usually being in the depths of the dark pit really doesn't stop me from being able to do everything else people are used to me doing. I'll still go to work, still get my crap done, you annoy me I'll still have a flippant retort if I think you're worthy of the waste of oxygen it takes to address you. But I'm on autopilot, there is no real passion or strength of will behind it(I know doesn't make it any less sharp just means if you shut up quickly I won't go in for the kill), hell if you need help figuring it out my brain still works fine it's just bugging the hell out of me at the moment and I truly wish it would shut up.