Tuesday, March 29, 2016

"Tell me, Do you bleed?"

This is about the Dark Knightest line we got all movie, Batman v Superman had a lot of action when it was crunch time, the story just didn't hold up for it. My main issue with Batman v Superman is that a lot of the things I THOUGHT would be motivation for not only our Iconic fight, but also the cause for our heroes to search for each other and unite pretty much fell flat. Ben Affleck was an awesome Batman(yes, I could be smug and link you to it instead I'll just add the correct label), and I will admit that while I still think she is a little light for my Warrior Queen Gail Gadot did deliver the action when it was fight time. It was many years in the making, and yes there is still that good old wordpress rant but Batman v Superman is here.

 I will try not to give that many major spoilers which as I said in the post before is really the only reason people don't understand how lazy a lot of the writing and directing was, but some things just can't be ignored so if feel I have ruined parts of the movie for you there is a comments section fire away.
Initial Thoughts

First and foremost while I am not a HUGE fan of the darkening of Super Hero costumes, I can understand how a brightly colored Batman might have issues sneaking up on near do wells, but that never made sense for Superman. Wonder Woman I can kind of forgive she is a warrior, so being a BRIGHT red and gold target probably isn't that good an idea. If people wanted to know where to focus pretty much hoisting the banner of QUEENS DAUGHTER RIGHT HERE or even BADDEST WARRIOR ON THE BLOCK isn't that wise. This movie opens with a speedy retelling of Batman's back story: the walk down crime alley, the gun being pulled, his father being shot first, his mother losing her pearls and dieing second. Eikichi has an issue with a gun SOMEHOW catching a pearl necklace and breaking them after it fires. Now I MIGHT have argued if it was a revolver but it was a semi automatic, they went for a little too much with that bit. There was also the Bat Jesus moment(If you like it thank Ero Kitsune, that's his line and I will credit him for it), which also seemed to (in my OPINION) set a bad precedent because it was the first of many "Oh that really doesn't count, it was just a fantasy" moments. I mean they really set Batman up to you, you see a lot of flashbacks to Bruce Wayne either at his parents funeral or running through Metropolis streets trying to save people in the major throes of the Zod vs Superman battle. While Batman is no stranger to collateral damage, I am guessing we are supposed to believe that he feels the scale at which SUPERMAN can cause collateral damage is a bridge too far, before anyone says it YES I will get into this movies Bats.

I hate Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor, or Alexander Luthor Jr, Lex Luthor Junior. Now a good friend of mine who also saw the movie and isn't rating giving it some of the passes I am feels that I am too hard on Eisenberg's Luthor because it seems that the movie spent a lot of time trying not to be the guy that Gene Hackman and Kevin Spacey ironed out pretty clearly on the silver screen(and Micheal Rosenbaum from Smallville is many peoples favorite Luthor as well), but rather the CHILD of said rampant narcissist. I've spent the whole day trying to look at him in that light, which if I do I have to take some of my gigs away from him because if he isn't Spacey, Hackman, or Rosenbaum he isn't a narcissist but the victim of one. He also isn't the rampant xenophobe that Lex Sr. is well know for being, though he still does seem to hold a lot of hate out for Meta Humans(what DC calls power beings instead of Mutants, Inhumans or Enhanced). Eisenberg is one of the more erratic characters in this movie, not so much Lex Luthor but some weird mix between Prankster(Flash villain), Riddler(Batman villain), and possibly Mxzsptlk(Superman villain) by the if I spelled Mix wrong just type that in with Superman villain and have at it.

My Biggest Problems

Off top, the DC geography has long been debated Marvel Comics has always set their characters in the real world, MOSTLY New York, but Jersey, Philly, Houston, California, Orlando, the Great Lakes, and even England, Russia, and Greece so that if you wondered "how long would it take Iron Man to fly from this conflict to that" all you had to do was grab a map and check his latest armors top speed. DC comics has a lot of Imaginary cities, along with a few real ones thrown in for good measure. While Metropolis isn't a real city, Kansas is an actual state so what is usually accepted is that due to proximity Metropolis is most LIKELY either St. Lois or Kansas City(but usually thought to be St. Louis), two big storied southern cities. Central City has often been thought to be either Chicago, Star/Starling City(they changed the name after season 3 back to Star city but for a while it was starling) is thought to be Seattle, Coast City either LA or the Bay. Then of course we have GOTHAM CITY, which I don't care how many ways you slice it has ALWAYS been NYC, it was an accepted fact. Now DC's America has always been weird because EVERYBODY is Ocean Bound somehow, you have Gotham Bay/Harbor that lets out into the ocean, Metropolis Bay that least out into the ocean, Central Bay that leads out into the ocean, Star Bay, Coast bay, like dude is their America an island?

 This being said it did serve a very important purpose, it gave a damn good reason for their heroes to mostly be loners. Yes if Central City is Chicago maybe a Flash villain sneaks over to Gotham every once in a while it would be understandable, while it isn't RIGHT next door it may be a decent distance to travel hoping that the Scarlet Speedster isn't in the mood to chase you off instead of saving the rest of his city. Can flash get there in like 2 minutes sure, but that's 2 minutes he has to run back if say Captain Cold is on a rampage. DC heroes aren't right up on top of each other ON PURPOSE, so the Geography mistakes in B v S are really problematic. Plus as long as a could remember stylistically the two cities couldn't be more different Metropolis has always been drawn, animated, and depicted as a bright, bustling, and energetic city. Thus having the big blue boy scout flying around and smiling fit, while Gotham was dark, brooding, and gloomy. A creature of the night in a city that doesn't appear to enjoy the light of the sun exposing everybody's sins, indiscretions, and shortcuts makes sense. I shouldn't have to wonder whether I am in Gotham this minute or Metropolis(I kind of made Eikichi, that's still Kitsune don't worry, mad when I reminded him about the geographical miscues)

Also while I have always known Diana Prince to be regal, I don't remember her being a socialite. I mean yes she picks up the sword and the shield later, buuuuut call me a complete comic book geek but basically just APPEARING to be Eye Candy for most of the movie never really seemed to be WW thing. I mean okay if I go golden age yes she was a little more passive until provoked, but ahem she has the sword and shield I think a little more of her activism COULD have been showcased. That and somebody needs to tell me what year it is cause one of her lines doesn't pass the math test. Also Superman has yet to really have some time to be all powerful, talking about Doomsday isn't a spoiler so I want to get into this. The reason why the Zod and his minions vs Superman fight in the 80's Superman II was so impressive was because when Zod and crew showed up The Man of Steel for all intents and purposed was unrivaled. I mean things were going so sweet for Kal El that he even gave up his powers to live a normal life with the woman of his dreams. I mean yes it was nice for the world to have Superman, but seriously the world could really take care of itself most of it's issues had been around long before Supes showed up, and the world had kept on turning why couldn't he retire and let them sort it out. So not just one but 3 Kryptonians who were as strong (though not as polished) as Superman and who could actually give him a run for his money was not only a shock to people but it was frightening.

In Man of Steel Superman fights General Zod and a good 7 other Kryptonians. You know other God like figures exist, yes Superman has done a lot of good but it has ONLY been two years. For the record I am still anti Superman killing, but it seems to be right up Zack Snyders alley, so he since he has set the precedence we gone roll with it. Superman might have killed Zod but you already know there are others like him out there, so having some monster show up that is as strong or stronger than the man of steel so soon, lacks gravitas. When Doomsday was originally introduced we had had a good 30 plus years of everybody pretty much telling you:hey don't mess with the S. Even when other powerhouses showed up Big Blue stood tall, he always held back, he was always trying to STOP not hurt them(which by the way, punch to the top or back of the head 75% strength to a fellow Kryptonian I'm just saying). So somebody who could really whack Superman around even when he gave it his all, was quite unexpected, and heart wrenching. Superman isn't Spider-man, Wally Webs gets knocked around the first issue and comes back after reformulating the good old web formula to defeat you in the next. That's his thing though, yes Spider-man can lift 10 tons but he is more of a cerebral crime fighter. Superman is intelligent, but hey I can see through objects, I can move extremely fast, and I am immeasurably strong plus you know damn near impervious I ain got to use my wits that much just show up, pluck you til I knock you out and go on about my day. Puppies to save, kitties to wrangle, children to cheer up.

I'm not gonna tell you why I am saying this, but I'm saying it; while if the Bat has a suit of Mechanized armor so would Luthor they aren't on the same intellectual level AT ALL.

Also Perry White may have been known to use Babe Ruth references in the past, Caesar or Elvis references he wasn't some huge sports fan, ijs. So him constantly sending Clark Kent out for fluff pieces if he actually had his nose in a good story didn't sit right with me.

I could list quite a few more things I didn't like but they would ALL be spoilers, things I couldn't say without revealing major plot placeholders, or else fractured story elements. This movie also loves to shortcut a lot, many of the places you end up seem kind of like fast travelling in a video game. You step out a door and "Hey this is JUST where I needed to be," now maybe when the directors cut is released some of this awkward jumps will make sense but man is there a lot of "what the hell is he/she doing there?" in this movie.

Things I can give a Pass to

This appears to be Golden Age Batman, and for those of you who don't know: Golden Age Batman was just a Gumshoe in a Bat costume. His dislike for guns didn't come around until much later I think mid to late 60's(plus he really doesn't have a problem with projectile devices, he just prefers not to use actual hand guns currently), so Ben Afflecks Batman isn't Mr. Mercy Bleeding Heart, he will brand you, he will shoot you, he will break ya freakin neck. Which is why some of the "Batman is mad at Superman due to collateral Damage" theme doesn't sit to well with me. I know I complained about Wonder Woman the Socialite, mainly because if they were trying to sell her as this "retired warrior of old" you needed to express that, I can give a pass to her just wanting to be left alone after a harsh world war or two but don't make me do all the heavy lifting. This is the first DC movie with more than one hero and even in Man of Steel, nobody mentioned Wonder Woman, or Batman. Like I understand who you are trying to catch up to but you can't skip the work, you have to drop news clippings, have New Shows in the background showing pictures of random Meta Human activities.

The Deus ex Machina of how we finally get  introduced to kryptonite, I mean yeah yeah no matter how you do it kryptonite will always be a Deus Ex Machina, you have an unstoppable force than you can now magically level the playing field with. There have been worse introductions, plus over the years people have been a little more respectful of the fact that it is radioactive material so you just can't be all willy nilly with it.  We got kryptonite, it was used in the fight, the fight was awesome.

Batman NOT giving the Dark Knight returns speech, we got the visual and that was enough. Mainly because this wasn't the Dark Knight returns, Superman wasn't an extension of an overzealous president. He wasn't trusted explicitly by the country, feared by the rest of the world, and to be deployed whenever folks who didn't toe the official Governmental position needed some act right. This Superman was pensive, he was unsure, he was still finding his way. Was he strong, yup. Was he fast, mostly. And was he somebody who you knew you had to be ready to reckon with if you stepped up, just ask the Power Armor wearing Batman.

A cry for Mom is a time out, ahem 3 people's mothers have the exact same name. Two are DC one is Marvel, I won't call that a Deus Ex Machina mainly because yeah that's been known for 80+ years. Hell whenever a certain Knight shows up in Smallville he always gets extra pie for that reason. Some will probably find it heavy handed, especially since this borrows so much from Dark Knight Returns but since it wasn't and they really didn't seem to plan a better way through it really is something they have in common.

Henry Caville breaking the sound barrier whenever the love of his life is in trouble, ahem I mean it's not like he flew so fast against the rotation of the Earth that he turned back time or anything. IJS, if this were a death battle that would be in his powers list.

Things that confused the hell out of me

Remember when I said this movie didn't want to OWN anything, like there were sequences that could be taken back if need be. Say if they didn't show up in the Justice League movie or the sequel, yeah a lot of the elements borrowed from "Justice League War" and "Justice League Doom" respectively kind of fall flat because, this isn't a bond villain. Seriously, do I need to grab a few clips from the Incredibles about Bad guys Monologueing? And if they are set up in such a way that they "don't count" then why include them. Eikichi feels that some of these moments were miss cut, oh and I have heard some people mistakenly say they heard a "Boom Tube" in a certain sequence, look closer, pay attention to the color scheme and watch the CW sometime. That wasn't a boom tube, if Eikichi was right it was meant to count but somebody screwed up in editing. Also some of those premonitions, yeah just stop they actually are what make people mad about this movie. Whoops, I almost typed out a spoiler(mainly because it extremely pissed me off) anyway one of the most interesting/perplexing moments of the trailers turns out to be a huge rip off.

Seriously, it's kind of perplexing how much weight they want certain occurrences, happenings, decisions, or indecisions to hold and yet other things that should be JUST as important seem to just be left at the wayside simply because you just needed XYZ to have happened to move the movie along. I say movie not story, because as I've already mentioned "Fast Travel" is a thing in the DCEU, and why you would go somewhere, need to be somewhere, get or have something isn't always as important as being there, to get it, and have it for whenever.

Why they didn't explore a little more of the famous Batman v Wonder Woman dynamic. In the comics while Superman and Wonder Woman are an obvious pairing, Batman and Wonder Woman have been known to have great chemistry too. They are both consummate Martial Artists and in the comics (as well as some cartoons) their sparring whether it be physical or mental is story gold. Because Batman has no doubts exactly how strong or intelligent Wonder Woman is, and Wonder Woman knows that, every encounter with Batman is the risk of exposing a weakness you didn't know you had to a person who's every waking moment is dedicated to exploiting weaknesses and finding ways to dominate and intimidate. Yes we got a little witty banter, but come on. We could have gotten a Dance Sequence or something, let the two of them find a way to feel each other out without exposing too much or letting their guard down as well as have it be completely oblivious to the people around them. Honestly they should have had a Mr. & Mrs. Smith moment, you know when she thought he was dead and he popped up at the restaurant.

Final thoughts

Come the one month anniversary Spoilers be damned I'm really going to dig into this movie. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, is entertaining I won't deny that but it falls extremely short of the great movie I was hoping it was going to be. Look, I won't deny I was critical of it. Honestly I thought they should have just bit the bullet tipped their cap at Marvel and just built up to an iconic team up like this. The fight scenes will wow you, the story behind the fight scenes is what falls flat. This isn't high school, and this isn't the cocky jock vs the extremely good but big hearted one. It's kind of funny, Central Intelligence was one of the trailers before this movie and that is kind of how a lot of fights in this movie seemed to have been set up:

  • There's a bully
  •  Somebody needs to deal with him 
  • Before we get to this bully lets bump heads real quick 
  • Okay time to deal with the bully.
Here's the thing, these aren't two hormone fueled teenagers, on one side you have the Baddest Detective in the whole universe(DC universe that is) on the other you have a man of God like power, both of whom try and save people as a daily goal. They try to keep people and cities safe, and on Batman's side ONLY his city, if he leaves Gotham it's because somebody is off trying to bring something bad back to Gotham. And Batman doesn't go off half cocked, so just because there is a bully nearby he isn't going to "establish dominance" he doesn't have to, once he gets done dealing with the threat you will have a complete understanding of who Dominant is. I think if Snyder and crew would have paid more attention to the motivations of each character(including crazy Luthor), I think we could have got awesome visuals, thrilling fights, AND a great story. Comics and Super heroes are ALWAYS story driven, so if the visuals are great but the story sucks, you ain gonna last long. Yes you got everything you could want out of an 80's testosterone flick in the last 45 minutes, but if you gonna make me wait til the last 45 minutes at least give me a compelling story to chew on.

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