I didn't mention it because I was hoping it would GO THE HELL AWAY

If you have been observing the weather channel as of late you will notice that the devil appears to be enjoying a nice long vacation. By that I mean down here in the midsouth hot is a damn understatement, it was 106 yesterday, let me repeat that it was ONE HUNDRED AND SIX DEGREES yesterday(yes for only like 2 hours between noon and 3 pm but ahem the 104 it was residing at for the rest of the damn day was no freakin' peach either) now I don't know about you but last time I checked this wasn't the Mojave and I was trying to enter the world of Rango. I know this used to be the doorstep to the old wild west but that was then and dammit this is now, Land of the AC home of the slushie. I shouldn't walk out my front door and immediately begin sweating like I just ran 2 miles.

There's warm

There's Hot

There's too hot

And there's "I'm not that idiot who doesn't believe in climate change, global warming or that we are damaging our planet so could you please quit playing and turn the air back on"

This in no way shape or form even INCLUDES the heat index which was "walk out here if you want to and I'm gon' make sure you FRY". Stop do you see that, I couldn't find the one for yesterday but 105-120, excuse me? Why is it that damn hot today, to hell with frying and egg thats making the egg cajun style before you can even toss out the freshly cracked shell. I'd lie and say I ain mad about that but now that I was foolish enough to look it up I am. Like I said in the title I was hoping if I didn't get all complainy about the oppressive heat it might go find somebody else to torture but damn. I don't feel like carrying the heat on my back right now, why can't it go visit another play mate. Go hit them folks up in Alaska, I'm sure they could use some extra steamy heat.

Now yes I know a few months ago I was like I was tired of seeing rain, I said I ain want to see rain not "please park the sun directly over the mid south and leave it here for a while so you can toast me like a Brueggers everything bagel" this is NOT what I was looking for. Which little bad behind kids sang "Rain Rain go away" too many times, rain please come back we sorry please put out the steaming asphalt it's too damn hot. That being said a few questions can now easily be answered: How you doing? hot and sweaty. How you feeling: Melty, I'm soft serve ice cream on the pavement. You remember that double whammy feeling first you lost your ice cream, second the cool feeling the ice cream was supposed to provide is slowly melting into the ground next to or in front of you. You know what I am going to kidnap a vehicle later and get me another batch of those Klondike Mint chocolate chip ice cream bars.

Did I ever mention that was my favorite flavor of ice cream and that I ate the whole box by myself last time, it lasted all of 4 days(and only because I beat myself back from the freeze I ate 3 the first day like it wasn't the biggest Fat Aaa{switch the last to letters so its the abbreviation for associate or association} thing I had done since I hoarded like two whole boxes of krimpets to my damn self cause my wife sent them to me from Atlanta, what? Say something I don't like) and I don't believe I threatened to amputate any limbs for eating my mint chocolate chip treats but I might have, I wouldn't put it past myself. Anyway sooo if you just happen to live in a more moderate climate and you want a slightly melty, chubby, black, male computer tech and you have perfectly working AC that basically has Jack Frost locked in an upstairs room blowing frosty holla at ya boy, cause this is ridiculous.