The other side of the coin

As I mentioned in the preceeding blog "the depths to which one can delve to come up with such of will power and determination is sometimes also where you can get stuck". Well there is also a benefit to my penchant for being easily annoyed by people who don't pull their weight and appearing to be just sitting there moaping:

When its me doing the moaping after a brief malaise period I get bored with it and pull myself up out of the doldrums. That's right, I'm back sipping gin and juice, playing games, watching porn, writing blogs, flirting and being a general place of happenstance in society. Yup the randomosity train is leaving the station again, how long will we be "on schedule" is there a schedule not that I know of but I will be pounding keys dammit. Again how I look staying down when I know I can do something about it.

Talk to someone else for what? So they can tell me "Primal, you can't do it all sometimes you have to sit back and appreciate the progress even if it isn't a smashing success or blow out victory" I know that, hell I've known that a long damn time. Which means I'm just not paying attentiom, which would annoy me and make me look harder, okay whats buggin me, what has me ignoring the good things then I find it and drown it in liquor(my liver thanks you little annoying thing I had grown bored of drinking).

Oh yes I drink and blog, drink and game, drink and hmmm what was I thinkin, oh well it will come back to me. So I'm here gotta check to see if any movies I want to see came out recently and prepare to walk to the movies, before their gone. They keep closing crap round here

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Capricorn December 22-jan20

Long round about description of who I am and how I get sometimes. It's the beginning of the year As that link says I can be stable, a rock, Mr. Dependable until I get a bout of the lows and then poof, what happened to him. Simply put all that steadfastness, determination and strength of will comes at a high price. Sooner or later I have to sit back and realistically look at where I am, and no I'm not nice to myself when I do it. You can see a great guy, who does awesome things, for lots of people and is the guy you want to call if you need a hand. I see the guy who you ONLY call when you need a hand, ahem hello I like to have fun to. I don't mind reaching out to see whats up from time to time, but don't act like your fingers are broken it doesn't help with those dances with deep depression I tend to do from time to time. NO I do not need to seek serious help, am I still here than trust me anything I run up against at 36 is nothing compared to what it took to get me to 36.

Thing is unless it's a Mighty Mouse moment(I picked the more recent one not the original sue me) I can stay there until I find a reason to dig myself out. And usually being in the depths of the dark pit really doesn't stop me from being able to do everything else people are used to me doing. I'll still go to work, still get my crap done, you annoy me I'll still have a flippant retort if I think you're worthy of the waste of oxygen it takes to address you. But I'm on autopilot, there is no real passion or strength of will behind it(I know doesn't make it any less sharp just means if you shut up quickly I won't go in for the kill), hell if you need help figuring it out my brain still works fine it's just bugging the hell out of me at the moment and I truly wish it would shut up.

It's saturday

I said I would try to post somewhere at least twice a week I already did one on here, so here is my second.

Whats this about? Not a damn thing, my mind isn't focused on anything at all. I mean my cousin got married last night so Yay cuz, I couldn't get my aunts network to work today so I have to take some more parts with me tomorrow. One of those days you know how it is, you woke up you trudged on and you came back to the house.

Part of my problem I know is the lack of dreams. I'm here, problem is in essence I am ALWAYS here. My mind seems to be holding on to the day to day, now yes I could have drank some of that 100 proof I bought my cousin last night, but we don't drink and drive because it's illegal(ducks lightning), okay we try not to do it anymore. My former "sobering routine" was drink two bottles of water and wait 15 minutes, wasn't perfect but it did help wake me up and reduce my blood alcohol level(I mean I'm adding more water to water, I'm not saying there was science behind it, but technically there is a little bit of basic science behind it) I'm human I admit my mistakes and tell those who want to judge me "please blow into the machine" yeah I thought that would shut you up. At least I attempted to actually make myself sober.

It's called youth for a reason you make mistakes, hopefully live through them and grow to become a better person, or a bigger tool depends on what lesson you learned.

I learned a few as a young man, as for this bought of insomnia, man I have no clue if I lay down, I'm out but I don't feel like laying down half the time and again no dreams, so I still feel restless. Superbowl tomorrow I probably won't watch, I'm an eagles fan I know I should support the state of PA(congrats to the streelers going for their 7th superbowl title) but it's not my eagles so I'm a little disappointed, I'll live but I'll live not watching the superbowl.

Oh I know if you check my blog reel you'll see a bunch of folks doing 30 days of truth. Look not in the mood YET to do a REQUIRED daily blog, if I do it I do it. But not yet and not trying to say some trueism or scar forced everyday. I'll release them when I want how I want. You my truths now, because in actuality truth is really based on point of view. Some people think I'm a jerk, some think I'm mean, some think I'm the nicest guy on the planet. When did you see me, what was our interaction with each other, is it constant interaction or fleeting. Those minor important factors can change how you view me.

So even when it's a "truth" about yourself how often are we honest with ourselves: we are either too hard, too easy, or too scared to be real about it. As best as I can, you see what I see. I wear glasses so I fully admit my vision ain perfect, but they are the only eyes I have so I gotta work with em.

Meh no labels for this one either like I said I'm here but I ain here, typing this out to start bringing some structure so that when the flood gates open again I'm ready.

It's February

I have told myself(and everybody on FB) that my reboot period isa over. I still feel sluggish, but i refuse to let my mind just veg, it will abuse the priviledge. My brain is like that it will be running at light speed but unfocused on anything but the task at hand.

So what have I been up to(i wish blogger droid would automatically cap the "i"s but oh well) lets see I've gone to see tron, never finished the blog on it, prestiged twice on black ops(reached level 50 and surrendered all my guns, customizations, and level ups for a new emblem and a chance to prove I can do it again), gone to see green hornet, worked my butt off, oh turned 36(didn't do that blog either), and basically just vegged. I mean yeah I've gone to work, I've maybe had a drink or two, but to quote the Mad Hatter I've lost my muchness.

This normal for me, there is always a period where my mind rebels and says "I'm takin a break, whether you like it or not . Sue me, oh wait I'm your brain suck it douche bag", and of course I let it spin along aimlessly until I need to be more focused. Well this year, I'm gonna reign hoss in early.

I hope your year has started off well for those who missed me, thanks, for those readers I lost my apologies for not being here more often, and for the newbies hold on, its gonna be a wild ride.

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Wild and wacky day

I began my day with an early service call and a customers site where basically it appeared that his computer had died, I take that back it wasn't appeared the computer refused to boot up at all, it ignored his hard drive, his cd rom drive any attempt to use that PC was met with a system reboot. I removed the cover, and the extra airflow allowed me to boot to the CD-rom but not boot to the hard drive, so I did a visual inspection saw some bulging capacitors and gave the customer the bad news. I tried to reboot it again in front of him no dice.

Now like many of my customers this man was a muslim(he says devout, I'm just restating what he said I'm not judging the depth of his faith), he pulled out his prayer beads, told me that with the current economy he could not afford a new system, or even a refurbished one, and that if there was anything that could get him an extra 2 months of this system working he would gladly spend the money it took to get a new system in 2-3 months.  He had said that before with empty hands, but now that he said it(as well as a vow to his deity) with the prayer beads in his hands I rebooted it one more time because he asked me to, I even removed my boot disk as not to stress the system any, and

Leery site titles

Ladies and gents I deal with PC's on a damn near daily basis, I've see all kinds of bugs, trojans, viri and malware. USUALLY said culprits are dug deeep down into sub folders and are stored under fake names, misspelled names and coopted directories. It's also usually difficult to figure out where such insidious programs came from I mean rarely is somebody gonna name their site or pop up "computer destroyer as soon as you click here".

But on the off chance that you are the type to see the "long walk tour of the worlds shortest pier" sign and still sign up, just remember about ol' Curi and the cat okay. I mean come on "Foobar" aka Fubar, as in "Tango and Cash", as in F'ed Up Beyond All Recognition. I don't know what writer initial thought up that term but I remember how quickly it spread, everybody loves saying "FUBAR", it fits soo many situations perfectly. So if you in anyway name your site "Fubar" I'm not visiting.

Snowy day in memphis

What can I say, they promised snow and they were right. And its a nice few inches too unlike the "Christmas Day dusting", of course some folks would have preferred clearer less treachorous weather. That ain what we got for the moment I am sitting around don't know how work is gonna go today if at all but im washed and dressed two layers of socks on(doesn't feel like enough though).

Okay I've joined tumblr another in a long series of joins to be able to keep up with and talk with friends, especially some of my 360 crew. After some deep think I decided to make it an NSFW tumblr. A few times I'm gonnsa say or show some off the wall things and I want the freedom to do so, so if you stumble upon it dont be surprised if you see my hairy sack(because I actually do have a post involving my currently hairy sack I'm going to shave them later) it may just be up there.

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