Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Lord of the Changa

It's February, for many that means you are scratching your pennies together and trying to take that special someone out on a date so that on March 14th you've earned that steak and BJ. No I'm not being cynical some of yall are really that shallow, I'm not saying I would turn down a nice thick cut of beef, or a mouth hug but I'm hoping to get those regularly(diet permitting on the steak). For the rest of us, it means a certain movie that probably seemed like a pipe dream, and sadly that some have grabbed the pipe over.

That's right I'm talking about Deadpool, no not the guy at the end of Wolverine Origins. That looked like Fox kidnapped a Mortal Kombat character and couldn't afford his speaking fees, yes I'm still bitter. This movie holds slightly more significance for me because one of the bredren gets to see it as a birthday present. It's close enough to his birthday that this time he isn't just mooching a movie(yes he has done that before, no I don't care if he reads this and gives me a dirty look). Deadpool being who he is, usually sparks a little bit of controversy and of course this time is no different.
Somehow the crew making Deadpool got an R rating for this movie, wait no let me not pretend like I don't know how.

A few years ago there was test footage leaked, decent quality test footage, footage that showed a CGI Deadpool in costume voiced by Ryan Reynolds(and yes Ryan Reynolds was BORN to play Deadpool), sitting on a bridge listening to Gwen Stefani actually here yes I really did go out and look for this. Seems it has been removed from most reputable spots(not that this isn't a reputable spot but I don't want to do it more injustice by miss describing it), and any real Deadpool fan who watched it was floored. It was everything a comic fan could possibly want, the character, in costume, unfiltered. He curses, he breaks the fourth wall, he's irreverent, inappropriate, he's every last one of us in high school when the sub walks out the door(I see you brown nosers pretending that you were a goody two shoes, I have photos though). When I say broke the internet, I do mean broke the internet, of course as it was a leak finger pointing ensued as people at the studio blamed Tim Miller(soon to be known as Captain Awesome, especially since it looks like he got it right) for leaking said test footage in an attempt to force the studios hands. In what can only be said to be a MASTERFUL STROKE of one upsmanship, Mr. Miller then releases HD Deadpool teaser footage with the tag IF I was gonna release footage I would have given fans this HD schlong so that they would really love me.

To say that bloggers got on Fox afterwards is an understatement because somehow not only was the canceled spin-off green lit(which understand X-men Origins: Wolverine came out in 2009 5 plus years later that sounds like a dead project to me), but it is being made with an R rating. This is a comic book movie, they want to sell merchandise off this movie(I mean especially since Marvel makes so much dough off Deadpool already, he's almost become like salt or butter in Marvel Projects), which means they want as many butts in the seats as possible, which is why most comic book movies get a PG-13 rating even if the character involved is of the bloody, cigar chomping, beer swilling variety(and I happen to be a Wolverine fan).

The backstory surrounding this movie, it's been in the works that entire 5 years, Ryan Reynolds even joked that "Deadpool was like the worst relationship he ever had". 5 years and not only were they never going anywhere but everybody kept asking him about it(because we all wanted it, like ice cream wanted it. Free ice cream, with whatever fixings you wanted, double to quadruple scooped). To make matters worse Reynolds did "Green Lantern" which up until about the last 30 minutes was a decent super hero movie and then *kaboom*. So of course studios probably mistakenly thought that Reynolds as a lead for a superhero movie was a non starter(no, who ever your director, writer, producer and editor were unfortunately watched Spider-man 3. And thought "hey lets jam everything about the character into the end of this one movie") and started moving away from the project.

After that test footage though, not only do we have a movie but we have an R rating to the movie, which in true Deadpool fashion we got Comic Con leaked of a new, official, Deadpool THE OFFICIAL MOVIE trailer. Unfortunately gone was the Gwen Stefani song that so fit the character, or so we thought, but then again what we got, woooo, what we got was sooo much sweeter. You know, when something is hyped up so you expect to be disappointed, kind of like somebody who's team sucked last year so they get a high draft pick only for the guy to be a bust. That was the fear of all Deadpool fans, and then we got that leaked footage, cause we knew yeah yeah there was a rumor about an R rating but it wasn't going to stick, until you see the leak. After the leak it's like Fox got punked, like really punked, because there is no way in the world that a studio exec signed off on this.

It's almost like they washed their hands of it, said "fine give the little people their movie and when it sucks we will be fully done with it" only for the crew to say, "go for the whole enchilada, do everything you ever wanted to do and just leave butt naked." Now the Bridge seen has "Shoop"(by Salt and Peppa), we still have the SUV scene, Colossus from the X-men is there(and done RIGHT, seriously to hell with Bryan Singer let this guy do X-men movies from now on), Deadpool is still talking to the crowd, and cursing, and he doesn't look "pretty." You know how Hollywood tends to doll up characters so that they look nice and palatable, no he isn't all "bloody veins and puss" but he is kind of ugly, but that good ugly, that well stacked buffet plate ugly that we all love, yeah you know what I'm talking about. not only that but when they REALLY get into the action DMX comes blaring through the speakers, like WHOA once you break out the DMX there is no going back. And man was there no going back, of course we weren't supposed to get that trailer yet(since that was for comic con viewers only, and there is a joke missing in the OFFICIAL Trailer but even that is awesome) and each teaser and trailer released since has been a steady stream of Cheshire Cat face for all fans.

Welp, almost all fans. Yes ladies and gentleman folks are trying to pee is the punch bowl of Deadpool awesomeness, it appears that some people would like a PG-13 Deadpool movie(WTS, you saw the trailer, I left it right up there use your imagination as to what WTS means). A mother decided to start a petition to have a PG-13 Deadpool movie released so she could take her young child, who appears to be a Deadpool fan, to the movie. Poor kid, he must be so embarrassed right now. Because his mother has just put him in the 12 days of ugly Christmas sweater pageant. Cause honestly if her kid is a Deadpool fan, he has seen exactly what is in the trailer(especially the red band trailer, do you have an Xbox or Playstation play his pinball game seriously that's him for real). Did she buy him the Deadpool video game, if so what did she expect a Deadpool movie to be like? Seriously, you buy your kid the Deadpool video game and you want us to believe you aren't going to take him to see the R rated Deadpool movie? Just tell those judgey neighbors who are bothering you that you are raising your child free range, and he is going to be creative. I get it, we got a PG-13 Wolverine movie(okay two of them) and what is Wolverine's motto "I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do ain nice." Here's a cigar chomping, beer swilling, bad guy killing, red head loving, canuckle head who's as apt to run you through as he is to try and rehabilitate you(actually he's probably just gonna run you through).

Here's the thing

Deadpool is the best there is at everything Wolverine does, he does it for money, and he makes jokes while doing it. He's the king of the stabby stabby, he loves to shoot people, he plays with corpses, he's as apt to cause collateral damage, well he's just gonna cause collateral damage. This is not something you can take the edge off of, hell if she was still alive somehow they would have snuck in a sex scene with Bea Arthur(don't believe me, read the comics). This is a guilty pleasure movie, this is the movie that would be made if DC had a pair and decided to let Danny Trejo play Lobo(granted I would prefer someone a little bit younger. But is there really a younger guy who looks as bad a double scribble as Trejo..... you find him, sign him up). I hope this movie is the rawkus good time that all the trailers are hyping us up to believe. And while I know it isn't possible, if somehow someway there was a mutant BarrakaPool that somehow gets his head cut off, punted off and overpass and then lit on fire, I think we would all cry tears of joy.

In summation:

Deadpool is not a super hero, he is an anti hero, he kills people, for money. he curses, he drinks, he has sex, he talks to the audience, and he doesn't give a damn about your feelings of censoring him. This isn't a movie made because some studio exec had a great idea, this is a movie made because the fans of the movie BEGGED for it. You can go watch reaction videos world wide(except for China, something about the graphic violence dooesn't appeal to the Chinese government) as people watch the trailer, this is what the world wants. So either get on board or no chimichanga for you

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