DEADPOOL: THE MOVIE
It's kind of funny, everything about Deadpool screams money and at the same time not big screen friendly. He's the lord of toilet humor, he's irresponsible, immoral, you know all those jokes people tell in quiet company? Dp screams them in the middle of a church with a bullhorn, WHILE lifting up the nuns habit. I'm kind of stalling, I won't lie the rules are simple I wait a few days and only talk about what is still burning brightly in my mind. The essence of the movie, the thing is the Essence of this movie was ripped from comic book pages. I literally lost a bet to Eikichi for something that really should NEVER have happened. It's a movie adaptation, as a rule, movie adaptations take those cool, chotcky looking, fun, inane items that we all fall in love with about any piece of pop culture and toss them away because they don't have time. Well the lie is they don't have time, honestly they just don't care it's about quick money and merchandising.
I had a few ideas on how I wanted this blog to go. I know I don't usually say more than whether or not
I liked the movie, a few choice anecdotes or stories, and then some of the scenes that stood out. I try to avoid giving out too many spoilers, oh and please stay for the after credit scene(Soooo sorry I forgot to tell someone else that yesterday). I was thinking maybe I would talk about what they got wrong, I mean it's not a lot, maybe a minor detail about the girlfriend though technically they didn't mention much of her backstory so I am stretching.
The Merc with the Mouth
Wade Wilson was a mercenary, a Canadian former special forces member who decided to start taking odd jobs for normally nice people who just needed a helping hand, and could pay a little money. Wade was talkative, but more in the one liner here or there, a quick punch maybe an over the top use of a knife here or there. His best friend Weasel, is the bar tender at the wayward hang out for soldiers of fortune. You also get introduced to the slightly different Dead Pool, every one bets on who is gonna buy it next. Hell even Wade placed a bet on somebody, and tried to help bring along with a blow job, the DRINK a blow job.
And then She walks into his life, black and white hair, short and sassy, nice buns, crazy and a nice rack just how he likes them. And she's a working girl a couple of hundred bucks gets some balls in the hole time, SKEE BALLS. Honestly if you took a non comics fan to this movie they actually did build in a pretty complicated love story. So after a pretty wild year of courtship, Wade after a rather stellar bedroom performance passes out, and his world starts it's downward spiral. Wade Wilson has cancer, late stage cancer, lungs, liver, prostate and brain(thus why the check your balls/breast cancer ads in the package. It would be something close to Wade's heart). Wade has the girl he wants to marry, he even interrupted a butt sex request, to make a butt sex joke, to ask for Vanessa's(his future baby mama) hand in marriage, but now Cancer. And like most meat heads in his attempt to not make her one of the people watching as he wastes away to nothing he is about to make a deal with the devil, well not literally Fox doesn't own the rights to Mephisto(yes marvel has an official devil character) but the guy does have the overly round, smiley face, with the high eyebrows.
Mr. Wilson officially reached the rhymes with bucket stage of his cancer and has decided to allow Mr. Tickles to attempt to cure his cancer. Nobody ever claimed that Wade Wilson was a genius, some guy offers you a too good to be true deal, to give you everything you could ever dream of, and you even TELL him he sounds like his running a scam on you
annnnd you fall for it. Actually you leap into it, I mean I guess to be fair I could say that the cancer in his brain made him forget that THIS SOUNDS TO GOOD TO BE TRUE. So they wheel him in on a gurney and introduce him to his two favorite people. This is also a slight departure from the comics because Wolverine is spoken of but doesn't actually make a PHYSICAL appearance. So his AMAZING healing factor doesn't come from fellow Canadian, well doesn't EXPLICITLY come from a fellow Canadian. Now somewhere in this tale of getting AMAZING super powers, Wade loses his face(no Optimus Prime was not involved, I don't think) oh yes he gets awesome powers but he lots butt ugly.
Back to the real world and Wade enlists Weasel on his journey for vengeance. And now things get REALLY interesting, Wade reChristened as Deadpool(thankfully Captain Deadpool got deep sixed) is now talking to the audience. No seriously, everyone else is looking at him like he's nuts but Wade knows this is a movie. Ever since he got back from Super hero camp he not only heals completely but he talks to everyone in the crowd. He doesn't hear our responses but I mean he acknowledges us. So now with a bunch of guns and first one then two extremely sharp Katana's he goes on the hunt for Dr. Henry Higgins(he's British I'm sure this joke is Deadpool approved), unfortunately his Man hunt for our Limey friend catches the attention of Westchester New York.
For those who aren't more familiar with Marvel Lore that is the home of Charles Xavier's School for the Gifted(also known as mutants), so after seeing Wade's latest piece of handy work Colossus(the real Colossus Big, Russian, Tortured English, Pure of Heart, Steel of Body, and Loins yes that part is important) and his protege Negasonic Teenage Warhead(I'm curious when she turns 20 is she dropping the Teenage.... Hmm inquiring minds want to know) and they go to collect the wayward Mr. Pool. I swear no matter what Marvel does they can't top Deadpool doing the whole surprised thing when they reintroduce Spider-man. I have often bet that while Spider-man has the experience in the whole annoying one liner genre, that Deadpool is rapidly catching up with delivery, volume, and pure sharpness. They don't call him the merc with the mouth for nothing.
From the SUV fight, to the bridge fight, to the interactions with blind Al. I was never really sure if Al was black or white, she's black in the movie snf just as saucey. Let me guess, you want to know why Deadpool lives with an old blind woman, That's classified(at least for now, I know but of course I don't do spoilers) just like Jacksonville. Which I thought was LAME, but Jacksonville is awesome, lost a bet to Eikichi due to Jacksonville, but still awesome. By the way, the last fight scene is Disney about to buy their rights back, because I know what that was and FOX doesn't own that. No seriously, it's got a weekly spot, early in the week, and Fox doesn't own that item. Now IF I do a secondary review on Wordpress I won't link it here, or maybe I will wait a week so that well Deadpool has made it's hundred million, doubled the money they spent(I am actually quite surprised they didn't go on an explosion fest at the end, even though they obeyed Marvel Law. Seriously you see one it gets destroyed, every time well mostly destroyed) and probably everyone who gives a flip about spoilers has seen it at least once.
Seriously, I want to find ISSUES with this movie to be like FRAUD, MASHER, HEATHEN but like they really blew their whole load on this one. Like that was Deadpool, Marvel Max/Marvel Nights Deadpool. The R rating was not wasted on this movie, no it wasn't just a bunch of F bombs, some gratuitous sex, and a bunch of crotch shots, no it was bloody, it was action filled, and it was awesome.
I'm thinking of watching it again next weekend, we missed a few jokes due to a theater exploding in laughter.
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