My movies of 2016

I initially tried to write this on Wordpress but it became my "everything I did in 2016" blog, so we gone try this again, over here, with no cursing, EEEEEEVEN though I am gonna be discussing some straight up GARBAGE movies. but lets give it a go shall we. As you know I tend to go to the movies a fair amount, some years and months more than others. I think I hit 10 last year, not all the ones I wanted to or THOUGHT I would see, I hit most of the majors but not all of them. And it was a mixed bag, seriously a mixed bag because there were some good movies, some bad movies, some nice attempts and then some I have no clue what the director was thinking.

When I did this on word press I meant to, actually I'm not sure what I meant to do so now I am gonna to give you a few paragraphs about each movie I watched and if I feel it's getting wordy I will break it up into extra posts. Now personally I feel that my movie watching year started out pretty damn well, as only it could with what we were given the one and only


DEADPOOL

What can I say, Wade Winston Wilson gave us exactly what we had wanted WAAAAAY back when the idiots who shot X-men Origins:Wolverine sewed his damn mouth shut. Blood ✅, juvenile humor✔, the suit🗸, a 7 foot chrome RUSSIAN boy scout with a heart of gold (thank God ALMIGHTY)✓, and Ryan Reynolds in the role. What I would give that a check but I am sure you are tired of them by now. THIS is what people say when they talk about Fan service and 300 million later TRUE comic fans are vindicated, we were vindicated later in the year too just not in a positive way. If you didn't watch this movie, you did yourself a disservice if you let your kids watch this movie you are the most awesome yet irresponsible parent in the world. Deadpool breaking the fourth wall in this movie was awesome, as well as taking shots at the studio for giving them such an anemic budget. You got so many laughs and so much bang for your buck, I swear this is the role Ryan Reynolds was born to play, even after the INITIAL Deadpool travesty which again I have no clue who was in charge of that movie but NEVER direct movies again, like don't touch them. Create a "bad ideas" pile and just drop everything you write into it, no really. I don't care if it's a lunch suggestion NO, we don't listen to you ever.

I was thinking of going to digital movie ownership instead of blu rays, but I had to own this bad boy cause it was just that awesome. And of course you had to see the deleted scenes, no seriously the deleted scenes just make this movie so much more epic, unlike I'm sure the next movie I saw.


Batman v Superman

There is only one director prior to this movie that I ever thought should be run out of Hollywood and it wasn't the guy who directed Dragon Ball Evolution(and trust me if you saw THAT travesty, you might be wondering why not. It's basically an Anime/Videogame movie it was always gonna suck) It was M. Night for The Last Air Bender, cause that movie so ignored the source material that I don't know what the hell he saw before he wrote and directed it. And now Zack Snyder, because honestly I think he LOVES Batman but has no clue who Superman is or why people like him. This movie sucked, it sucked because not only did you have no clue WHY they were fighting, you had no clue why anybody was motivated in this movie. Yes there were big action pieces but there was no lead up to it. I will once again say "I told you Ben Affleck would play a great Batman," Wonder Woman was exciting, not enough character development but she was the third wheel not the main course. Lex Luthor is the DUMBEST, MOST INCOMPETENT VILLAIN EVER but only is this movie. Cause if ANY OTHER version of Lex Luthor had what this one did at his disposal, movie would have been 15 minutes because not only is Lex a Narcissist but he's a genius, a billionaire, and someone who wouldn't have wasted time with all of the crap that crazy eyes McFinger licky did. To quote Stalin from the ERB Rasputin vs Stalin: Wonder Woman SHOT, Lois Lane SHOT, all your super hero friends SHOT, and your mother who made you pirogi SHOT no seriously the Lex from the comics and TV shows would have killed them ALL. Flash, Superman, Batman, Alfred, Cyborg(well he might have hacked Cyborg and put him to work), Wonder Woman, Aquaman all of them would have been killed, most painful way possible as threats to his plans of world domination. This dude was either playing Mad Hatter or Riddler(just no crotch or booty shots see Carey and Gorshin, no seriously Gorshin started the riddler crotch crap) because he damn sure wasn't Lex.

Oh and the Dream sequences in this movie, why, what huh. I think part of the problem with this movie is that they didn't want to own 90% of the crap they were trying to sell in this story, yes they had some awesome imagery but the story behind said imagery was piss poor. And I'm sorry, he's Superman remember the whole "Faster than a Speeding Bullet" thing we've heard about him for years, NOBODY HAD TO DIE IN THAT HEARING. He got to Lois's side in African inside of a half a second, where was that speed in the capital building, yeah, yeah I thought so.

Captain America Civil War

Bravo, Bravo, encore thank you Marvel for once again showing people how to make a comic book movie now it COULD be said that it was a waste of a good villain because Baron Zemo barely did anything and I will allow that but other than that. Black Panther was Shaft in a mask, Spider-man was awesome, Scott Lang was wackily out of place and yet right on time, and all of the inter hero fights you hated to see your favorites go up against each other, but then in the same breath "yeah Steve, get him did you hear what he said about your mama. Bucky you gone take that, Tony he scratched you new boots dog." Like you wanted to egg them on because even without Thor and the Hulk there were some SERIOUS throw downs, and it was hilarious to hear Spider-man trash talking people. And that look on Bucky's face, "cool you have a metal arm"(yes, I do have a BIONIC Metal Arm, that you just caught like a lazy foul ball behind the plate, just how damn strong are you kid?). I'm going to assume since T'Chaka wanted to meet Cap that the only reason T'Challa didn't send Steve on a dirt nap is because in a Black Panther flashback you gone see him get dusted by the older Panther. It's kind of sad really, DC moved Civil War a whole 2 months ahead to NOT compete with Civil War(and with good reason) Got Stomped by Deadpool and EMBARRASSED by Civil War ANYWAY. One could say that there were times it looked like they took the same script and basically only one of them understood how to make it work and no it wasn't the one starring the Detective.

This movie has me looking forward to Spider-man Homecoming(cheeky Marvel but well played, and what I am seeing in the trailers YES), Black Panther, Infinity War, Antman and the Wasp, and Guardians Vol. 2 because there is a Glorious Purpose being set forth here and I want to experience it.

X-men Age of Apocalypse

Age of we suck at this is more like it, who ever is in love with Brian Singer at Fox HE SUCKS AT MAKING X-MEN MOVIES. Yes when we didn't have an awesome team movie to judge it by he looked okay, but now we have had: Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Civil War we know what a good team movie looks like, and his X-men ain it. When we had nothing else to go on at least X-men were on the Silver Screen, but he has NEVER understood the powers, or their family dynamic, or the interaction between the various enemies. Somehow he did a passable job with Days of Future Past I actually liked it. No it wasn't the exact story from the comics but it did give you a decent plot to work with and it used ENOUGH of the various players to get you to a decent end game. We even got a nice peak at a world where everything worked out and everyone was alive, then we get THIS dumpster fire...

He got Apocalypses powers wrong, he got Psylockes powers wrong, yes the Katana was nice but those aren't her powers. Hell that isn't how Angel got those wings, that's not how they met Nightcrawler, or Storm(though that is CLOSER to Storm's origin story), and STORM would never trust Apocalypse. Like dude did you just watch a few DECENT X-men cartoons and just figure out how badly you could screw this UP? He even screwed up his Second Dip at the Phoenix Origin. And as stated in my ORIGINAL review of this suckfest, yes the THIRD MOVIE is always the worst Brian, and this is the third movie you mental turd colony.


Breathe, breathe okay I am going to stop this right here and kick out a part two later. Because it is hard to talk about Age of suckingsssss and not getting worked up and wanting to curse, I know people who trusted Singer but the more I heard about this movie the more I knew it was going to suck. And not because it wasn't good material, or that the source couldn't have given you a good story, but because it was obvious Singer learned nothing from the last 4 years of movies where it was not only a good story but adherence to the make up of who the characters ACTUALLY ARE not just who you want to shoe horn into your movie at the last second, even a Wolverine cameo couldn't save this movie.