Thursday, November 25, 2010

The trailers of "Faster"

Martin Lawrence is back in another "let's throw a comedy star in a fat suit movie" reprising the role he's played twice before. This time dragging Brandon T. Jackson along(percy jackson, tropic thunder). Brandon is Martin's son in this movie he witnesses a murder and is forced to wear a fat suit and attend an all girls school in an attempt to hide from the thugs.

I'll probably watch this one when it comes out on cable like I did Norbit, THOUGH I have yet to watch a single previous Big mama's house all the way before. I mean it was him and I believe Nia long in the first one and I STILL didn't watch it even though I like them both. And since the first one didn't keep my attention the second one came and went without registering.

I know its fun to make fun of fat people and with my extra pounds I make fun of myself and other hefty people. But just like race jokes I have a rule:the jokes must be funny. Now maybe part of the reason why I don't get the Big Mama jokes is because I never had a grandmother, so I can't appreciate the humor in something I longed for but never had. Grandfather movies though I got you, hell give granddad from boon docks a mustache and he kinda looks like my grand father. My Pop Pop was cooler though(I'm just sayin) and my dad's father too

Unknown space movie

Okay this one Looked Awesome, but as you see what I called it that's their one major mistake.

What is it? 

You had mist, you had smoke, you had guns blazing, you MAY have had some robots walking around, it was a quick cut away. I definitely saw what appeared to be space ships flying through the air. Its coming out in 2011, I just don't know what its called. For real I kept saying cool ID4 2 in my mind while watching it, but NOPE no title unless I blinked. I shouldn't call it a space movie actually its "Unknown Earth Invasion" movie. But for real WTF, you wanna create a buzz leave me a link, a name something.

The Rite

Anthony Hopkins in some exorcism movie. Starts off with some fade outs to some white writing, pictures of churches, cathedral music playing. But really ANOTHER exorcism movie? Could it be cool sure, it looks like they are going to go on this whole demonic conspiracy trek, but that's like 2 a year for the last 3 years now ain it.

I mean yeah you could make a Robot Fight movie argument but Iron Man ain Transformers ain GI Joe ain Avatar ain Iron Man 2. Yes more than one dull or shiny metallic butt has danced across our movie screens but its like Bond and Jason bourne yes they can put the smack down on you and are good with a gun but the difference in accents is just the start of the divergences.

Yes the trailer had enough jump in your seat scenes in it to possibly justify bringing a date so that you could play her big, strong, brave, fearless hero but I'm gonna have to see more than just the basic "cookie cutter young possessed girl bending her body at odd angles and throwin up strange unexpected objects" in this trailer she threw up spikes. I guess to signify disdain for Jesus' crucifixion. Possible date movie.

The mechanic
Jason Statham in a car movie, nuff said(yeah yeah, marvel blasphemy but in this cause the term fits). Okay its not really a car movie per se:

Jason Statham plays a "mechanic" which in this movie is code for hitman. He's the best he is at what he does and works for some "mysterious company" possibly CIA or some other letter agency but not expressed in the trailer. It opens with Statham talking to Donald Sutherland about him taking Sutherlands wayward disappointing son under his wing.

Not long after that conversation Sutherland the mentor is killed by the company. And as was foreshadowed by the titles popping up, its just business UNTIL its personal. So basically the bad guys are about to get FUBAR because now Sutherlands wayward son and Statham are coming to kick booty. Big explosions, stuff done with cars like its a ballet, guns, bullets basically all the reasons you go to see a Jason Statham movie thus NUFF SAID.

Okay at the house time to edit and call the wife

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I just found out that "the mechanic" is a remake of an old Charles Bronson film, hmmm does this mean Statham might remake a few more Bronson classics?

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